Weekly Parsha Review Laced with Humor and Sarcasm from The Oisvorfer Ruv

Yom Kippur 2012 – Of Money and Forgiveness

Raboyseyee and Raboyseyettes:

Of Money and Forgiveness:

Though the Oisvorfer provided his many followers with a form of Mechila (forgiveness) Release  in 2011,  it’s back for 2012: hey, didn’t you piss off new people this past year? Didn’t you speak loshoin horo (ill) of and about those you can’t stand, those who can’t stand you, your business partners, your neighbors and even your best friends, disgusting low life that you are! How many times have you bad mouthed your own mishpocho? Your own parents, in-laws, siblings, and avada an uncle or even your favorite Tanta (aunt)? Avada you did, and with Yom Kippur, the super bowl of forgiveness quickly approaching,  the time to say ‘I’m sorry’ is mamish running out. The time to make amends is mamish now.  Yom Kippur, based on extensive reading, seems to be a give and get holiday. If you give, you get.  If you give lavishly and freely at the Kol Nidrei appeal, you get a shout out and receipt. If you give forgiveness to the few or efsher many that pissed you off during the past year(s), you get, we are taught, consideration from the RBSO; He might also give you a pass. And when you think about this concept logically, this may well be the best deal or trade you’ve made all year. It’s easy to chap that nothing any friend or collective of friends did or could have done to anger you, is nearly as giferlich as the actions you took during the last year that angered the RBSO. Need I list them for you?

Though Yom Kippur is one frightening Yom Tov, it appears from the davening and from myriad other sources, that the RBSO, in most instances, is willing to look the other way and has your back. Ober says the RambaM and the heylige Gemora (Yuma) that Yom Kippur does not forgive sins between man and his fellow man. Avada it doesn’t easily forgive sins between man and woman, if you chap. If you want that forgiveness, you must be proactive and not just active as you’ve been during the past year, if you chap.

And as the heylige Oisvorfer told you just last week, you should not expect any form of consideration from the RBSO if you come into Yom Kippur carrying a grudge. Best to be mechahper (forgive) all those who ripped you off, spoke ill of you (some of it even not at all emes) and others that you can’t stand for no reason at all.

Forgiveness is one thing, ober business is business and avada the RBSO, the RambaM and many others also chapped that a carve out was needed desperately nebech, in the forgiveness laws,  to prevent  scoundrels who owe their friends monies (sadly there are hundreds of thousands of such individuals) from claiming that the blanket forgiveness you gave them to save your own tuchis (mechila), also included forgiveness of debt. As always, money rules, and this time, thankfully so.

And in order to help you with the process, the Oisvorfer is back with an updated short form of  shtar mechila (Unilateral Mechila Form) which is worth the paper it’s written on and more. Hec, if mechiras chometz (sale of chometz to a goy) is accepted and valid,  zicher this should have some, or at least a modicum of validity.


Use this form to ask for forgiveness:

1)         Sinner’s (your) Name: ________________

2)         Where did I meet you: ______________

3)         What I allegedly did wrong :________(use additional sheets if necessary, and kindly limit yourself to 10 items or sheets of paper, whichever is shorter)

Note: all instances of Loshoin Horo about one individual are, for Yom Kippur purposes, grouped into one event-

3A-      Money issues? _______Amount you claim ______

4)         Did I just hurt your feelings?

4A)      Did I bad mouth you? Yes?_____How many times?_____ Who told you?_____

4B)       Name, address, cell and email  of individual(s)  who repeated the Loshoin Horo

4C)      I’ll kill that bastard for telling you_____

5)         I’m sorry!!

6)         Are you moichel me?

7)         Get over it!

8)         Thank you

9)         Signature___________________

10)        Notarized___________________

Use this form if you are being asked to forgive someone:

1)         Sinner’s Name (you) : ________________

2)         When was the last time I spoke to you?_______________________

3)         Looked at you?______________________________

3a)       You disgust me and I despise you!

4)         What did you say about me?_______ (one sheet of paper per incident) please

5)         Do you also owe me money?

5a)       Yes? How much

5b)       Date of short term loan I gave you__________20___

5c)       Number of bounced checks you gave me_________________

5d)       Number of times you told me: I’ll pay you shortly?______________

5e)       Number of times you crossed the street to avoid me when you saw me walking towards you?_______________________

5f)        Number of times you told your spouse and others that you don’t owe me a dime?

6)-        Number of times you bad mouthed me  despite the fact that I saved your tuchis?

7)         Names of people you bad mouthed me to?___________________

8)         Am I moichel you (do I forgive you)? Yes and No***

I absolutely do not forgive the monies you owe despite the fact that shmitta and or yoivel have already passed. You owe me and I except repayment! Because however, I have my own tzuris (issues with the RBSO) and need some special consideration, and because forgiving you may inure to my benefit, I do forgive you, but state again emphatically, that you still owe me the money.

9)         Signature___________________

And with that in mind, the Oisvorfer avada begs forgiveness from all of his friends and followers. If he has offended you in any way, it’s likely that you deserved  it!

Wishing you all a Gemar Tov and an easy fast-

The Oisvorfer Ruv

Yitz Grossman

Print this Post

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.