Weekly Parsha Review Laced with Humor and Sarcasm from The Oisvorfer Ruv

Shabbis Shuva 2012

Raboyseyee and Raboyseyettes:

This week the Oisvorfer begins with a solicitation mamish. The Oisvorfer’s more than givaldige and beautiful tuchter (daughter),  will be participating in  a marathon to raise funds for HASC, an organization she  feels very close to, is very connected with and which does more than excellent work with children and adults with special needs.  And given that Tzedako (charity) is one of the ingredients that efsher motivates the RBSO to forgive your mamish giferliche  and outlandish behavior this past year, the Oisvorfer is urging his readers, here and abroad, to click on the link below and to see what his daughter has been up to these last five years.

When you’re done, feel free to donate anywhere from $1 to one million.  All donations will be accepted and appreciated. Avada the more you give to the cause, the less her father has to go out of pocket! To visit her page, simply hit the CTRL button and then click in the box at the end of her letter. And if you want to see her in action, check out her pictures.

Those who participate may even get a shout out in a future edition of the Oisvorfer’s weekly parsha review.




Team HASC Takes on Pasadena, CA!


Family & Friends, Please help me support Team HASC by making a donation through my page as we take on Pasadena, CA!. Even a small donation will help me achieve my goal! The process is fast, easy, and secure. Thanks so much for your support.

Dear Friends and Family,

Once again I have decided to take part in the most amazing experience. On February 17th, 2013, I along with many others will be participating in the Rock N’ Roll Marathon in Pasadena, California. I am doing this to help raise money for the place that has become my home, Camp HASC. Camp HASC is a summer camp that provides over 300 children and adults with mental and/or physical challenges the opportunity to enjoy a seven-week sleep-away camp experience, just like many of their siblings and friends. Camp HASC is where one learns how the physically and mentally handicapped population should be treated. Our campers are treated with the utmost respect, they are given the attention that they need and deserve, and they are regarded as “normal” human beings- just like you and me.

I just completed my 5th summer in Camp and as always, I had a fantastic summer! Every day in camp I am privileged to witness miracles right in front of my face; some of these miracles include a camper taking his/her first steps, saying his/her first word, and many more.

Ever since I started working in Camp, I have become more and more involved with HASC during the year. I often take campers home for Shabbosim and include them in my family. I’ve been on Camp Shabbatonim and visited many campers at their homes. The more time I spend around these special children, the more I fall in love with them and appreciate them for who they are. These campers are so special, more than we know. I understand that when we as counselors take such good care of our campers and treat them the proper way, the campers feel like a million dollars and their parents appreciate it more than anything. However, I always feel that these special campers are doing a chessed for me; Iam a different person when I am around them, I just can’t get any happier. I feel this way just speaking about them and looking at pictures of them.

Campers in Camp HASC have become my best friends and they have taught me so many important lessons. Many people say that the reason Camp HASC is so great is because of its amazing staff. I say that Camp HASC is called “heaven on earth” because of its incredible campers, who prove that miracles can happen, and who teach the staff what it means to LIVE life to its fullest!

Please support me by sponsoring me at Teamhasc.com/AlexGrossman

All donations are greatly appreciated!

 Thank you,

Alex Grossman



We’re in the season! The season for what, you ask? Taka an excellent kasha (question). We’re in the season of junk mail from many dozens of organizations looking for donations, many that you never heard of, some of which exist only for this purpose.  And avada we’re in calendar season. During calendar season, which begins mid-August and lasts for a full month, if not longer, almost daily, one will find at least one and usually more calendars stuffed into the mail slot. When was the last time you consulted a calendar that came in the mail? Mistama never!

And this week the Oisvorfer begins with a few words of advice: not to his choshova readers, instead to the farshlepte organizations that continue in the year 2012, despite great technological advances that allow us to know every zman in seconds literally, to send out calendars in every size, shape and variety. Does anyone need another farkakte calendar and will anyone look at these? Who needs 20 calendars, who needs two and who needs even one?  Kimat all the information found in these calendars is mamish unnecessary, not interesting, sometimes conflicting, and otherwise a waste of assets. What’s taka pshat with the plethora of calendars we receive? Nu, it turns out the calendar is but a medium and is being used to raise funds for the myriad schools, shuls and other organizations. All they really want is for us to open the mail, find the envelope that is magically designed to immediately fall to the floor – avada forcing us to pick it up before the eishes chayil yells at us for leaving a mess- , write a check, put it into the envelope, and mail them a donation. Wouldn’t it make much more sense for all these organizations to get together and co-sponsor one nice calendar with all their names and for them to share the proceeds? It’s mamish out of hand.

Avada were they to send out special editions if you chap, efsher even a swimsuit edition,  these calendars would avada be saved and put to good use, if you chap, instead of in the garbage where they find themselves almost immediately. Nu, we’re mamish days before the big one- Yoim Kippur, and zicher we should focus on inyoney diyoma (relevant topics) and avada some parsha. Lommer unfangin (let’s begin.)

Welcome to Parshas Vayaylech and its 30 pisukim, the shortest in the gantze heylige Toirah.  But not for the interruptions when davening is stopped regularly by the Rabbi or one of the shul’s designated or self-appointed shushers in order to curtail the talking,  it’s gantz meyglich (quite  possible) that shul would be over by 10:30AM.

And Raboyseyee, we’re in the throes of the Aseres Yemai Teshuvah, (10 days of repentance), Yoim Kippur is looming and it’s time mamish to get serious about tshuva (repentance) and making amends with the RBSO. Moreover, it’s not a giferliche time to also make amends with all those whom you pissed off during the year: the RBSO, we are taught, doesn’t appreciate clowns that come to Him begging for forgiveness when they carry grudges against others. Seemingly, forgiving others, friends and family alike who upset us with mostly narishkieyt (bs) is taka shver, in fact, nearly impossible, ober that’s what the RBSO wants, and if  you want epes special consideration, and  les-man-dipolig (no one would argue) that you need it desperately,  and for Him to look the other way for all of your less than exemplary (in fact despicable) behavior, it’s time to let go. Forgive now! There’s always time to renew the broiges (discord) you have after the holidays; zicher the same person will get on your nerves once again, guaranteed mamish.

Nu, speaking of Teshuva…grada (so happens) that the process is quite simple.  Ershtens (firstly), we begin by sinning and typically enjoying it mamish, if you chap. Then, as the calendar season approaches, and with time running out, we regret our wayward ways followed avada by promises we make to ourselves, not to do it again, klap a few hundred al-cheits (beat our chests) and shoin- a new slate- we are forgiven, right?

Ober says the heylige Medrish (Yalkut Shimoni) in conversation style azoy: The chachomim (Sages) asked the Novee  (prophet) what the punishment for a sinner should be, and the Novee answered, “Death” (not what you were expecting to hear).They then asked the heylige Toirah, and it answered  “Bring a korban” (sacrifice). Finally, they asked the RBSO and He answered “Do sincere teshuva and I will forgive “.

And what’s Moishe busy with on this the last day of his life? Nu, lets quickly look at this abbreviated Parsha.  In dramatic fashion, he summons the Yiddin together and tells them azoy:  I have reached the age of 120 and will not be entering the Land of Israel with you.

Says the Yalkut: when Moishe told the nation “I am 120 years old today, I can no longer come and go; and G-d told me you will not cross this Jordan”,  the Yiddin were shocked, mamish. How could it be that Moishe Rabaynu, fearless leader of the Yiddin, who was the RBSO’s messenger in taking the Yiddin out of Mitzrayim, would not be accompanying them into the land? Ober avada you recall that the RBSO so decreed many Parshas ago when Moishe abused his shteken, seemingly a big no-no with the RBSO, if you chap. Shteken abuse is not well tolerated, if you chap. And efsher you’re wondering why you should be doing tshuva or even contemplating it when Moishe Rabaynu’s seemingly insignificant sin of rock hitting was never forgiven. You are? Me too!

Ober say our chochomim azoy:  “Even if a sharp sword lies upon a man’s neck, he should not give up his hope for mercy.” And even better news for you Oisvorfs  is that there is seemingly and thankfully no limit to the RBSO’s  kindness and no matter how serious the situation seems, the RBSO can always save a person.

Next, he summons Yihoishua, telling the Yiddin that he (Yihoishua) will lead them into the land, and that they should be strong and brave. As the two listen attentively, the RBSO spells out in ominous language the future infidelity of the Yiddin, their inevitable descent into idolatry, their abrogation of the Covenant. Drunk with material success and excess, they will embrace the corrupt worship and the vacuous values of their erstwhile foes, sound epes familiar? And says the RBSO: “I will surely hide My face on that day because of the wickedness that they have done, for they have turned to other gods…” Ober the RBSO in his magnificence, though He is forced to play hide and seek with his Cho-sen people, does thankfully keep the door slightly ajar for the possibility of return.

Moishe has by now given over 611 of the 613 mitzvois, and in this short parsha, we get the last two – the mitzvah of Hakhel and the mitzvah to write a sefer Toirah-  the last spawning a humongous business for scribes, party planners, caterers, musicians, tent erectors and many others. What’s Hakhel? Once in seven years, during Succois that follows the Shmita (Sabbatical year), they should gather the men, women and children together, (avada this was before separate seating became a requirement), to hear a public reading of Sefer Devorim from the heylige Toirah at the ‘place that God will choose’ (Devarim 31:11). And then Moishe wrote 13 Sifrei Toirah, one for each of the 12 shevotim (tribes), and one for the Ark.

A gitten shabbis  –

The Oisvorfer Ruv

Yitz Grossman

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