Weekly Parsha Review Laced with Humor and Sarcasm from The Oisvorfer Ruv

Koirach 2012 – Family Ties

254Raboyseyee and Raboyseyettes:

Family ties:

A second shout out to the Liechtung and Schwartz families upon the marriage of their children David to Daniela. The Oisvorfer along with another 600 or so people were in attendance and participated in a most beautiful and spirited chasuna this past Sunday. May both families have much nachas from the new couple. The Oisvorfer was mehaneh (electrified) the oilom at sheva brochois this past Wednesday and parts of his speech will soon be available  on You-Tube for all to enjoy.


Nu, if you happen to need a speech for sheva brochois, you’ll find one right here in this week’s heylige Parsha of Koirach. In fact, not one, but two women take center stage, and according to the heylige Gemora and myriad Medroshim, they both play a prominent role in the fate of their husbands. Are these women mentioned by name or even referenced or hinted to in the heylige Toirah? Avada nisht ober (but) that didn’t, of course, stop the Gemora and the Medrish from filling in the blanks of what happened or at least what they would like to believe may have happened. Did it? Ver veyst? Ober Raboyseyee, as much as I’d like to go tiffer (deeper) into these women, if you chap, we already covered this sugya  (topic) last year and avada you can find out more about Mrs. Oin and Mrs. Koirach at www.oisvorfer.com. Click on archives for June of 2011.


This week’s parsha is focused on a rebellion, a mutiny mamish, ober unlike in previous weeks, where the Yiddin were upset with the RBSO, this week they take their wrath out on Moishe Rabaynu. Shoin, there you have kimat (nearly) the gantze (entire)  parsha overview. Ober are you tzifriden (satisfied) or do you want epes a few colorful details? Maybe you want to hear what a few others thought about who got swallowed and who went down, besides Koirach and his gantza banda of chevra (his entire group of merry men). Lommer lerrnin a bissel (let’s learn a shtikel something) it won’t kill you.

And who better to lead such a coup but one’s own cousin, and with that givaldige introduction, let’s meet Koirach, the feckless leader of the rebellion and trouble maker par excellence. There is some good news:  though Koirach was a menuvil, a mechutzif and a wisenheimer  mamish, and of the highest order, he still got to have a parsha named after him. Actually this should bring many of you oisvorfs some comfort.

Efsher you’re klerring (pondering) to yourselves; hey…how do I get a parsha named after me? I’m not half as bad as Koirach. And despite your minuvildiike behavior, you’re probably not wrong and the Oisvorfer has a shtikel good news: though it’s over 3500 years too late to get yourselves an original parsha, these days you can always buy one for upwards of ten thousand dollars from some Yeshiva or Shul that’s looking for dedications, donors and sponsors for a new Toirah scroll. Es ken oichet zeyn (it can also happen) that for a substantial donation, some shul or school might consider renaming a parsha for you. Hey, business is avada business and zicher the RBSO would understand such a re-naming, and besides, it wasn’t the RBSO or Moishe that named the parshas lechatchila (to begin with).  Who named them? Ver veyst and that zicher depends on who you ask. Shoin and veyter (let’s move on).

What was bothering Koirach? Why was he so upset? We’re taught that he wasn’t all that happy with his cousin Moishe for appointing Aharoin, Moishe’s  eltere brieder (older brother) to the post of koihain godol. Is that it? Koirach with all his wealth was a shtikel jealous of Aharoin? Or, is there something else lurking in the background? Nu, it turns out that some Medroshim taka think so; let’s explore.

Says the heylige Gemora azoy: One of Koirach’s complaints against his now less than favorite cousin Moishe, was that he (Moishe) was guilty of stealing his (Koirach’s) wife. Come again? Was Moishe double dipping? Is such an event even possible? And while we taka learned a few weeks back that Moishe separated from his wife Tzipoira, nowhere did we learn or even klerr that chas v’sholom Moishe was involved with another woman, oy vey. Could such a rumor be emes? Say it’s not so please. Chas v’sholom and just the thought of it is repugnant ober who is the Oisvorfer to argue with the heylige Arizal, the Gemora and others,  when they put forth such a potential conspiracy theory. Ober what’s taka pshat, why go there? Why put such chazerish machshovois (thoughts), ludicrous as they sound, into my mind?

Nu, let’s try to chap what took place and why Koirach accused Moishe of chapping what was his. For those who love the topic of gilgul (reincarnation) buckle down, this one is mamish a vilde mayseh (wild story). We are taught that Moishe was a gilgul of Hevel, remember him? He last made a brief appearance in Parshas Bereishis and was immediately disposed of by his jealous brother who felt the world wasn’t big enough for the two of them. Anyway- he’s back- only this time as none other than Moishe Rabaynu. And…..next we are taught that Koirach was a gilgul of Kayin, he the disgraced murderer of Hevel way back when. Nu, halt kup (pay attention) and for those who were daydreaming or throwing spitballs across the room and not paying attention while in Yeshiva, here’s what happened back then. Both brothers brought korbonois (sacrifice) the RBSO, the RBSO accepted Hevel’s and rejected Kayin’s. Shoin!  Kayin became enraged, killed his sibling in cold blood. One witness only; the RBSO, nice!

The story continues: In order to procreate the world, both Kayin and Hevel were born with twin sisters, one for each of them. Is the RBSO great or what? Eventually but exactly when I don’t know, the two sisters  passed on and went back up to Shomayim (heaven) for some well deserved rest and many years later came back to earth punkt (exactly) when Yisroy and Paroy the minuvil were walking in the fields of Mitzrayim. And since this happened before organizations like Ohel were up and running, these two kind hearted individuals (Paroy and Yisroy), upon encountering these two girls nebech valgering (loitering) in the fields, took them in as foster children, liked them and adopted them.  Nu, avada you and I couldn’t make up such a story ober the people who wrote the heylige Gemora, they were mamish givaldig and taka did write this mayseh (story). Nu, I see that you’re mamish excited to hear the rest, here goes. Paroy named his tuchter (daughter) Basyah (some say Bisya) and Yisroy named his tuchter Tzipoira. This Tzipoira, as the story goes, was the original wife of Hevel and also his twin sister, and now many generations later, became the wife of Moishe.

And what’s the gantze mayseh which requires a flowchart, and already gave me a headache, got to do with Koirach being angry with his cousin Moishe? Pay attention: Koirach claimed that since he, as Kayin in an earlier life, killed Hevel, he should have to marry his brother’s wife through Yibum (way too difficult to translate). Therefore he claimed that Tzipoira was really rightfully meant to be his wife. And why not? Don’t we always encourage murderers to marry their victims wives? Veyter!  And now you know why he was all upset with Moishe: seemingly according to this warped thinking, Moishe had his wife and according to this medrish, this explains the language in Possik #1 of the Parsha where it says azoy (like this):

Koirach the son of  Yitzhar, the son of Kehos, the son of Levi took [himself to one side] along with Doson and Aviram, the sons of Eliaho and Oin the son of Peles descendants of Reuven.

א. וַיִּקַּח קֹרַח בֶּן יִצְהָר בֶּן קְהָת בֶּן לֵוִי וְדָתָן וַאֲבִירָם בְּנֵי אֱלִיאָב וְאוֹן בֶּן פֶּלֶת בְּנֵי רְאוּבֵן

Seemingly what this means is that Koirach took exception to the fact that Moishe, besides laying down the laws of the RBSO, was also epes laying down with his wife, if you chap.

Now listen to how clever our Rabbis of yore were, how they so brilliantly weaved the story together so that it mamish sounds plausible mamish, like it really happened. All we have to do is believe it. Did it? Ver veyst but it’s avada possible, especially if the heylige Gemora says so. Nu forget the parsha, I see you’re mamish out of your keylim (mind) with desire, if you chap, to know more.

So where did Koirach go wrong with his accusations against Moishe, and why did he think that after murdering Hevel while he was Kayin in a previous life, he would get to have his brother’s wife. Is the reward for murder that you get the wife of the victim? Is this justice? Seemingly in Koirach’s twisted mind, efsher it was, though terribly misguided. Moreover, even those that chap the very  complicated Yibum laws, would they apply generations later? Oy vey!!  Ober Raboyseyee, we must avada remember that the RBSO thankfully gives most of us second chances. Without those, many of you oisvorfs wouldn’t make it past Yoim Kippur for chapping all year what you shouldn’t have.  Kayin was no exception. And says The heylige  RambaM in hilchois tshuva azoy: (avada you remember this from the Oisvorfer’s droshos during that time of year) in order for a person to fully repent he must be in the same situation he was in when he sinned and overcome it. And with that in mind, let’s review the events, all of them.

Kayin’s jealousy stemmed from korbonois to the RBSO.  Koirach was envious of Moishe and Aharoin because Aharoin was appointed the big Kihuna and now in a position to bring the sacrificial offerings. Accordingly, the incidents are related. And to top it all off, it so happened that Koirach and his merry men were standing on the same ground mamish as did Kayin (also him) way back in the beginning of time. And how do we know this to be emes? Says the  Mishna in Ovois: ten things that were created during twilight on erev shabbis. Among them was the mouth of the earth. When the RBSO punished Kayin for his sin he said “cursed are you from the earth that opened its mouth to receive the blood of your brother” (Bereishis 4:11).

Similarly in our Parsha when Koirach is swallowed up, the same terminology is used: “The earth opened its mouth and swallowed them, their houses, and all of their property”(Bamidbar 16:32). Koirach failed in his chance to rectify his wrongdoing, and was punished mida kineged mida (measure for measure).

When the RBSO asked Kayin about the murder in cold  blood, we read these words: “What have you done? The blood of your brother is screaming to me from the earth” (Bereishis 4:10). The medrish tells us that until this day you can hear Koirach screaming beneath the mouth of the earth “Moishe emes v’soirosoy emes” (Moishe is truthful, and his Toirah is true).

Of course every rabble rouser needs a few accomplices, and starring this week are two of Moishe’s nemeses, two of his  oldest foes, Doson and Aviram –efsher if you don’t  remember them from the heylige Toirah, nebech- you may remember them from the movie Exodus.  And in the blink of an eye, they, Koirach, Doson, and Aviram had assembled another 250 mitschlpers (tagalongs) and shoin, a rebellion was born. Nu, you all know the rest: the RBSO eventually got fed up, and in order to protect Moishe’s leadership position, responded to Moishe’s call for an earthquake, and shoin, the gantza bande (entire crew) were swallowed up alive in efsher the world’s first ever earthquake, or at  least the first we hear about one. Fartig: ois rebellion (it’s over)! Gone were Koirach, his eishes chayil who seemingly egged him on, Doson, Avirom, and the rest of the chevra. Is that emes? Maybe not: at least one Medrish tells us that although Koirach was chief rabble-rouser, he was not swallowed up by his Rebbe, if you chap, or the quake. Instead the RBSO let him live, though bereft of his wealth, family, friends, and supporters. According to this view, he did, however, die in another Magayfo (yet another tragic incident) when the RBSO flexed his muscle and wiped out thousands more.

Who were Doson and Aviram and why were they making trouble? Says the Toirah Sheleimah: They were the ones who forced Moishe to flee Mitzrayim after they ratted him out to Paroy about the Mitzri that Moishe killed way back in Parshas Shemois (2:13-15). And these same characters were the ones who gave Moishe and Aharoin a tongue lashing when they, Moishe and Aharoin, first arrived on the scene. Moreover, it was these same two characters that were involved in the Munn incident, and which incident is that? Seemingly there were two: Ershtens (firstly) these two bums were the ones who left over Munn though Moishe specifically instructed otherwise, and rumor has it that they went out to gather Munn on the heylige shabbis  (ibid. v. 27);  doesn’t epes  sound like two of the nicest guys but hey, doesn’t everyone’s family have a few bad apples? Shoin!  And here they are in the big one: they joined Koirach for the mutiny.

As an aside, we must ask ourselves: what were these tipshim (fools) thinking? Hey, didn’t they see what the RBSO does when He gets angry with the Yiddin?  Didn’t we just lose thousands last week and the week before? Or were they klerring that they were just challenging Moishe and that the RBSO would stay out of the family feud? Ver veyst but too smart they couldn’t have been. Rich maybe, and avada you all know that Koirach was known to be enormously wealthy? What he did with all that money in the Midbar, ver veyst but the medrish goes out of its way to tell us that Koirach was seemingly a very wealthy man and avada with wealth; it’s easy to see how he would have followers.

Seemingly Doson and Aviram did not like Moishe from the get go and were a thorn in his side until their bitter end. When the Yiddin after 210 years of slavery finally found themselves by the shores of the yam suf (Reed Sea) with the Mitzrim breathing down their backs, it was, we are taught, none other than  Doson and Aviram who sharply criticized Moishe, asking for a return back to Mitzrayim where they lived the good life.

Ober the one incident where they really showed no hakoras hatov goes back to the day after Moishe killed the Mitzri. On that day while checking on how his brothers were faring under arduous conditions at best, he found two men in this midst of a violent quarrel. Says The Medrish: these two fellows were none other than Doson, and his brother-in-law Aviram. Shoin, another family feud. When Moishe intervened to stop the quarrel and potential violence, instead of a thank you,  they responded with: “Who made you to meddle in our affairs!”

Why Moishe took them along out of Mitzrayim, ver veyst ober family is family and he seemingly didn’t carry a grudge and that’s why he, Moishe, was the greatest leader the Yiddin ever had.

A gitten shabbis-

The Oisvorfer

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