Raboyseyee and Ladies,
Coveting & Thought Crimes:
Does the RBSO punish us for bad, lustful, covetous thoughts? Are thought-crimes a thing? According to most definitions the heylige Ois found online, a thought crime is an idea or opinion that is illegal or considered socially unacceptable according to people in authority. The word comes from Nineteen Eighty-Four, a book by George Orwell published in 1949. More on that topic way below, but let’s begin here:
Nu, the three weeks, the 9 and ½ days, and even Tisha Be’ov are finally behind us and not a minute too soon. 9 and ½ days, what’s pshat? Indeed, though Tishe Be’ov (9th day of Av) was over this past Tuesday evening, a good number of restrictions remained in place as we woke up Wednesday morning and just like that, the nine days felt more like ten -well, at least until approximately 1:00 on Wednesday before resuming full normal operations. And not a minute too soon I might add as the heylige Ois was mamish running out of clean gotchkis (underwear). Did you know that nine-day observance used to include a restriction on changing one’s underwear? In yeshiva we were taught to put on a bunch of pairs -one or more at a time- and then to quickly remove them. Once worn – even for a minute- they could be removed and put into the nine-day rotation. Do yeshiva guys need but one moment to soil their underwear, ver veyst? The bottom line: the underwear loophole was real! In very recent years, mistama because rabbis noticed that no one was following the archaic underwear custom, the underwear rule was updated. In one of the myriad handouts the Ois was zoiche to receive from multiple sources, the underwear section has been updated to read azoy: “Towels and linens are included in the prohibition of not doing or wearing newly laundered clothing. However, undergarments that are worn against the body to absorb sweat may be changed to avoid discomfort, even if they were washed before the nine days. However, regarding actually washing them in the nine days, this should not be done. If you don’t have anything else to wear, it is permitted, but you cannot add other clothing to the wash.” Veyter.
Can someone please explain how the fire in the Beis Hamikdash (Temple) on the 9th is at all related to clean underwear? Was another fire raging below? Why declare such restrictions if only a few -if any- will follow them? Do you know anyone -mamish anyone- who doesn’t change his/her underwear daily? Let’s get real: people shower with hot water and change their underwear during the nine-days and azoy iz (that’s just how it is), custom and even halocho notwithstanding. The bottom line: At least at times, non-compliance brings results. Let’s go veyter!
The book of Eicha and other kinus (Lamentations) we recite on Tishe Be’ov were all written so that we may reflect over the loss of our holy temples, Jerusalem, and Jewish life in temple times. That was two thousand years ago. Ober, what about today? Are most of us mamish thinking about temple times? Or, are we saddened by more recent and relatable losses? Let’s get real! Next:
How are we to keep the memories alive of the good times and a bygone era? How can we forget -may we forget- the good times -mamish great- we had up in the Catskill Mountains on Shabbis Nachamu and other weekends? May we forget the big beautiful structures and vast never ending dining rooms of the famous hotels we visited? Who can forget the pool and round-robin seating at Grossinger’s? And the Pink Elephant Lounge, the great shows and so much more? Oy vey, what happened to all those good times? Should someone pen a special kina (lamentation) for those times?
How can we be happy as Shabbis Nachamu approaches without a hotel to check (or sneak) into? Who amongst us didn’t try sneaking into Grossinger’s or the Concord back in the day? How many of us were in the trunk of a car? Who amongst us doesn’t recall with fondness the various buildings over at Grossinger’s? Who doesn’t miss the Paul, Harry or Jenny G? The pool? Or the pool over at the Pine View? The expansive couch-filled lobby at the Pioneer? Who doesn’t long for one more weekend at the Pine View? Oy vey; where have they all gone? And while lamenting the loss of these great structures, let’s also shout out a few that dotted Collins Avenue in Miami Beach? How can we go on without Schechter’s Caribbean, the Saxony, the Crown, Waldman’s Sea Gull Hotel, and the various rooms we rented at the dives -mamish- on the other side of Collins? Of late, we also bid adieu to the Doral, where many enjoyed a Pesach program; oy vey. They are all nebech gone. How are singles to meet in our times? No wonder the shidduch crisis exploded and continues to grow geometrically since these structures disappeared; oy vey! We need them back. Shoin, let’s hope the Moshiach will make infrastructure and the rebuilding of these great structures, a priority.
DISCLAIMER: Before you bombard the heylige Ois with emails suggesting that he’s an apikoires, a heathen, and worse, and that it’s mamish sacrilegious to compare the losses, take a deep breath. These posts are written to make you smile and to reduce to writing what many of you are already thinking but remain afraid to so state publicly. Wake up and smell the coffee! Moreover, with Tishe Be’ov behinds us, the heylige Novee -over the next seven Haftoirah’s exhorts the Yiddin to be comforted, to be happy. The Ois is but doing the Novee’s bidding. — Nachamu, nachamu ami, yomer eloheichem. נַחֲמוּ נַחֲמוּ עַמִּי יֹאמַר אֱלֹהֵיכֶם “Comfort, comfort My people, says your G-d.” Good times, they are coming. When? Ver veyst?
The good news: Even the very sad book of Eicha calls Tisha Be’ov “a day of Jewish rendezvous with the RBSO.” We don’t recite Tachanun because it has elements of a yom tov. Rendezvous with G-d? Festival? On a day of destruction and suffering? Yes, because Tisha Be’ov proves that the RBSO is not indifferent to Jewish conduct. We matter to Him. We misbehave, He schmieses us; it’s a relationship! Mamish a real marriage; yikes! And since we do, we know that He awaits our repentance and that there will be a third Temple, an eternal one. Our Sages tell us that the Moshiach will be born on Tisha Be’ov. Has he? When will he announce himself? Efsher on this day next year, we will all have reason to be joyous. Bring us back to you Hashem, and we shall return, renew our days as of old. Hashivenu Hashem Eilecha VenaShuva – Chadeish Yomeinu KeKedem
There is more good news to share. With this week’s posting, the heylige Ois (AKA: The Oisvorfer), begins year 15- wow- of parsha postings, and as I have done in the past, I begin by looking back to how and where it all began. Bikitzur (in short), there we were -the eishes chayil and I- over in Westhampton Beach -as guests of friends and neighbors Terri and Andrew Herenstein waiting for the heylige Shabbis to begin. An instant message came in over the Blackberry, OBM (of blessed memory). Chaver Avi Winkler sent a message asking for a quickie devar Toirah before Shabbis. He was up at Camp Seneca Lake, where a devar Toirah was zicher important each and every Shabbis, and shoin: The first ever parsha review was punched out on the beautiful and easy to work Blackberry keypad. The simplicity of typing on it has yet to be replicated, and here we are. From one reader to hundreds of thousands; mamish! From a few clicks to over 100,000 each week. How did this all come to be? Ver veyst? A shout-out to chaver Mike Kogan -webmaster par excellence- whose idea it was to create the site. He has maintained it from the get go. Today the Ois is followed by a wide range of readers to include serious learners, those who don’t learn at all, guys, girls, men, women, rabbis and rebbes. The bottom line: the injection of humor laced with a shtikel sarcasm -and some sexual innuendo- while always adhering to pshat makes it easy and enjoyable to read and to retain the information. Guess what? That’s exactly what the authors of the heylige Gemora and many a medrish did; it works!
And with that gishmak introduction, welcome to Parshas Voeschanan, where we will be treated to a refresher course on the Aseres Hadibrois (Ten Commandments) originally given to the Yiddin forty years earlier. Over the years, I used to kler azoy: Which of the commandments are easy to observe and which are more challenging, if not impossible? Shoin, after many decades the heylige Ois is here with results: In our times, keeping and observing the heylige Shabbis is quite easy. Kimat all we need, want, or have gotten used to, is controlled by some form of electronic device or app. As well, many have also become accustomed to the shabbis goy who knows all about observance with just the slightest hint. Avoiding idol worship and a few others on the top 10, are also rather easy. We’ve all been challenged with the fifth, showing proper respect to our parents but for the most part, we try or tried. Not perfectly but nisht giferlich. And having said all that, this week, we shall cover commandment number 10, the most challenging and difficult to observe: Thou shalt not covet! No coveting? What’s that and who doesn’t covet? Let’s get real: everyone covets. It’s hard not to covet, and it’s taka hard when we do, if you chap. Ask Dovid Hamelech, the king of coveters.
Ober, what is it? How does one covet? Can one covet without violating the commandment? Yikes! Let’s get started by reading the commandment as it appears in our parsha. As well, we shall read how it’s written in version #1 of the Aseres Hadibris. Following that, we will explore a well-known (by most), and much written about shtikel variance in the two iterations of the Ten Commandments specific to coveting. Version #2? Are they different? Were the Commandments modified? Avada you recall from your days in yeshiva and from stam azoy being Jewish, that Moishe came down with a second set. It’s the new set we will find delineated in our parsha.
Let’s begin with a comparison of this commandment in both sets and then go veyter. When it comes to coveting there is lots to discuss, here we go. Ober what is coveting? According to most, coveting can be translated azoy: the Hebrew word for “covet” is chamad (חמד) which is commonly translated into English as “covet,” “lust,” and “strong desire.” We know these feelings only too well. Let’s read the commandment innaveynig (the text from our parsha Devorim 5:18).
| And you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor shall you desire your neighbor’s house, his field, his manservant, his maidservant, his ox, his donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor. | יְלֹ֥א תַחְמֹ֖ד אֵ֣שֶׁת רֵעֶ֑ךָ ס וְלֹ֨א תִתְאַוֶּ֜ה בֵּ֣ית רֵעֶ֗ךָ שָׂדֵ֜הוּ וְעַבְדּ֤וֹ וַֽאֲמָתוֹ֙ שׁוֹר֣וֹ וַֽחֲמֹר֔וֹ וְכֹ֖ל אֲשֶׁ֥ר לְרֵעֶֽךָ: |
In English: And you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor shall you desire your neighbor’s house, his field, or his manservant, or his maidservant, his ox, or his ass, or anything that is your neighbor’s. In more simple English: don’t desire his beautiful home, stunning wife, exceedingly successful business, fancy expensive cars, or anything else that is his. A very tall order for sure. The bottom line: coveting your neighbor’s wife or “his ass” are not good! And if you do, your own ass, might find itself in some serious trouble with the RBSO. The first version, found in Sefer Shmois (20:14):is slightly different.
| You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, his manservant, his maidservant, his ox, his donkey, or whatever belongs to your neighbor.” | ידלֹ֥א תַחְמֹ֖ד בֵּ֣ית רֵעֶ֑ך ס לֹֽא־תַחְמֹ֞ד אֵ֣שֶׁת רֵעֶ֗ךָ וְעַבְדּ֤וֹ וַֽאֲמָתוֹ֙ וְשׁוֹר֣וֹ וַֽחֲמֹר֔וֹ וְכֹ֖ל אֲשֶׁ֥ר לְרֵעֶֽךָ: | ||||
| And you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor shall you desire your neighbor’s house, his field, his manservant, his maidservant, his ox, his donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor. | יְלֹ֥א תַחְמֹ֖ד אֵ֣שֶׁת רֵעֶ֑ךָ ס וְלֹ֨א תִתְאַוֶּ֜ה בֵּ֣ית רֵעֶ֗ךָ שָׂדֵ֜הוּ וְעַבְדּ֤וֹ וַֽאֲמָתוֹ֙ שׁוֹר֣וֹ וַֽחֲמֹר֔וֹ וְכֹ֖ל אֲשֶׁ֥ר לְרֵעֶֽךָ: | ||||
In more simple English: don’t desire his beautiful home, stunning wife, exceedingly successful business, fancy expensive cars, or anything else that is his. A very tall order for sure.
What do we have? Two sets of Ten Commandments, the second, replacing the first that Moishe broke in disgust. By year 40, the Yiddin had already violated the first set. In fact, they violated after but 40 days. Note the differences in phrasing. Shmois talks about “coveting” your neighbor’s house, then his wife, then other things. They are all verboten. In our parsha, “coveting” your neighbor’s wife comes first, then “desiring” his house and other things follow. Is there a difference? As well, a different verb is used in set number two, and when that happens -and it did- our sages of yore jumped all over it and wanted to know why? Why taka? Why was the language changed? We don’t know for sure because the RBSO didn’t tell us. We do know this: Wife-coveting was moved to first place seemingly for a reason and that difference plus the change in the verb had our sages arguing over the meaning. What is the verb? In Shmois we are instructed not to “covet” and in Devorim we are instructed not to “desire.” Shoin. And the difference?
Says the heylige Gemora (Buba Metzia 5b), azoy: “coveting” is a longing that leads to wrongdoing, whereas “desiring” is a matter of the heart only. In other words: man, though bad, can overcome desires but seemingly cannot control himself when coveting. The bottom line: The heylige Zoihar (Devarim, 3, p 261a; and the Rambam (Sefer ha-Mitzvis), agree. Both are forbidden and shoin! Ober what’s pshat? What’s pshat coveting and how is it even shayich (even for a tiny minute) not to? And what’s pshat that “desiring” is also forbidden? Let’s get real: in life, we humanoids are programmed to both desire and covet. Why so? Because that’s davka how the RBSO wired and programmed us. And that’s emes raboyseyee: Way before Alexa and other programmable smart switches came about, the RBSO hardwired us to do both. In fact, we don’t know how not to desire. Let’s not forget that He gave us the yetzer horo (evil inclination) whose main purpose is to help us covet and desire. How then do we avoid violating that last commandment given by the RBSO? What’s pshat, “You shall not desire?” What exactly is being commanded here? How can you prevent yourself from having certain feelings, and thoughts, if you chap? The fact is azoy: many -beginning in high school- spend years, decades, and the rest of their lives coveting and thinking how to chap what their hearts desire. Is it possible to control our thoughts and desires? So many givaldige questions; got answers? Not? Let’s go veyter.
It’s one thing not to chap or steal stuff, but a prohibition against desires? That’s got to be the hardest of all. Was the RBSO being somewhat unreasonable with this commandment? Was He being realistic? After all, He did -as mentioned above- create us with yetzer horos and big eyes; now He wants what from us? Not to desire beautiful things and even people? Not to desire or covet after the shapely scantily clad sexy beautiful women, live, or on TV? Not to desire the car your neighbor drives? His beautiful house? Not to covet at all? He knows we’re not angels. In fact, He knows we’re much less and therefore gave us ways to atone each and every year? In fact, we can atone daily. Grada the Ois has a chaver who covets daily and then starts his day at the mikveh to atone for the previous day’s sins. How can He command us not covet? Not to desire? What taka is pshat in the words of this commandment? Do they mean anything else but what is written? Is there a deeper understanding? Can we survive in this world without violating this commandment daily? Do you not covet kimat every moment of every day? How would therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, and all the anonymous group meetings make a living were people programmed not to covet? What would patients and participants talk about?
Moreover, says the medrish (Bereishis Rabbah 9:7), azoy: without the evil inclination, that ever-powerful yetzer horo, no man would build a house, take a wife, beget a family, and engage in work. Said Shlomo Hamelech (King Solomon) in Ecclesiastes (4:4): “And I saw that all labor and all achievement in work was the result of man’s envy and rivalry with his neighbor.” Is there any good news here?
Efsher you recall the rebbe telling you that us Yiddin, we are lucky. Why so? Because the RBSO does not punish us for bad thoughts, only for bad actions. Mamish a relief; can you imagine farkert? Can you imagine the hell we’d be in -for life mamish (after death)- were we to be judged and punished for our vilde (wild) and sensual thoughts? For our sexual desires? For our fantasies? And the list goes on! Ober, geloibt der Abishter (thank the RBSO), Judaism is a religion of action, not of feelings or beliefs. Givaldig and thankfully so as the entire advertising industry, exists only to get us to covet things we don’t have. The bottom line: TV, the heylige internet, TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, and many others portals, are all about coveting-inducing materials; how can we not violate this commandment daily? Is it outright sinful? Is there a workaround? How are we to ever observe this commandment?
Says the heylige Mishneh (Avos 4:21), azoy: Envy, lust and seeking honor remove a person from this world. On the other hand, the heylige Gemora tells us that, while coveting is forbidden, there is- giloibt der Abisherter (thank the RBSO), no punishment for it. In plain English: There is no punishment for mere evil intention, for it is said (Tihilim 66:18) azoy: “If I saw iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not hear.” Says the heylige Gemora (Kidushin 40a), azoy: if one has an intention to do an evil act but does not succeed, the RBSO does not count it as if he did it. On the other hand, if he intends to do a mitzvah and is unsuccessful, the RBSO still counts it as if he did it. Why? Because it’s one of the perks of being Jewish! When evil intentions -seemingly to include coveting and desire- do not lead to action, the RBSO does not punish it. The bottom line: relax and exhale.
On the other hand, if your neighbor has a beautiful house, there is nothing wrong with you desiring to own a similar house and working hard to earn it. Otherwise, how would you ever acquire anything if you did not desire it first? Desire is good! It motivates! The prohibition is against davka (specifically) wanting your neighbor’s house, the one you were invited to see. Let’s recall that our tradition teaches us that all achievements can be traced to envy, coveting or jealousy.
On the other hand, says the Sefer Ha-chinuch (mitzvah 416), azoy: Do not wonder and ask: But how can it be in one’s power to restrain his heart from longing for riches that he may see in his fellow man’s possession, when he himself is lacking them all? How can a prohibition be given in the Torah about something which man cannot possibly obey?
And listen to this shtikel on sexual matters: Says the Ezer Mikoidesh (found on the daf of Shulchan Aruch E.H. 23:3), azoy: intellectually thinking sexual thoughts is not forbidden; only lusting and fantasizing is forbidden. He argues, “otherwise it would be impossible to learn any Gemora that discusses sexual matters.” It goes without saying that we cannot fully control every passing thought that runs through our heads. Moreover, says the heylige Gemora (Buba Basra 164b), so mamish gishmak and real, azoy: forbidden sexual thoughts are one of the three sins that a person cannot fully save himself from. Case closed!
A gitten Shabbis Nachamu wherever you find yourselves this weekend.
The Heylige Oisvorfer Ruv
Yitz Grossman
