Tazria Metzoira 2025: Who’s Your Mama! How to Make a Baby Boy

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Raboyseyee and Ladies,

Who’s Your Mama! How to Make a Baby Boy:

According to Dr. Shettles, inventor of the Shettles Method, if one desire a baby boy, he and his wife -or partner- should have sex as close as possible to ovulation, including the day of ovulation and up to 2-3 days after. Collectively, these practices may increase the chances of conceiving a boy. The reasoning is that Y-sperm are faster and more likely to reach the egg if intercourse happens around ovulation, while X-sperm (female) are more resilient and can survive longer, potentially leading to a girl if intercourse happens earlier in the cycle. Is that so? Is that what the heylige Toirah teaches us in this week’s parsha? Not exactly. Sex on two or three consecutive days? Which Jewish wives do that? Few! We shall explore baby-boy making below, ober let us begin here.

Last week’s parsha began with the words ”And it was the eighth day…” As mentioned, something big was to happen on the eighth day. In the very second posik of this week’s parsha of Tazria, we come across these words. “On the eighth day, you shall perform a bris ceremony on the baby boy.” In other words, something is about to get smaller. Welcome to the first double header parshas found in Sefer Vayikra -two more are scheduled in the coming weeks- and this week, we’ll read Tazria and Metzoira, both covering the topic of tzora’as and related matters. Exactly what tzora’as is and is not, is for sure hotly debated, ober one thing is certain, it seemingly isn’t what we think.

Efsher you’ve been wondering why the RBSO ordered that the baby’s bris davka take place on the 8^th day, and is there any significance to the number eight? It’s more likely the case that you never really questioned why the RBSO selected the 8^th day because at a bris, you’re primarily focused on breakfast: Will it feature a good lox assortment, an up-to-date coffee station with espressos and latte’s, or multiple omelet stations? Waiting on line for eggs? Fuhgeddaboudit.  What about avocado toast? Would you not show up if the bris were on day seven or nine? This week the heylige Ois will teach you a few new things; it won’t kill you to learn epes a shtikel Toirah.

But first… by now many of you are already millionaires or on your way.  And by many, I mean those who either baked or ate shlissel challah this past Shabbis. Though the Ois never heard of this minhag until approximately 25 years ago -he had never seen this at home, by any relative, nor by any other homes he visited- shlissel challah has taken the world by storm. Seemingly the practice is not found anywhere in the heylige Toirah, Mishna or Gemora. One of the 613 mitzvis it is not! The minhag seems to have started in the mid 1700’s and we know this because the earliest reference is from Rabbi Pinchas Shapiro who was born in 1726. A second source comes from the Apter Ruv, he known for his preaching of Ahavas Yisroel (loving every fellow Yid).  He was born in 1748. Neither of them talks about inserting a key into the challah. There is some mention of shaping the challah into a key or the making of an imprint of a key but no key!

Vus epes a key? Says the Imrei Pinchas azoy: We bake shlissel challah in honor of the shabbis following Pesach because during Pesach the gates to heaven were opened and seemingly stay opened until Pesach Sheyni (second Pesach), a holiday and topic previously reviewed by the heylige Ois. In other words: It’s all about symbolism and shoin. The good news: We will not be traveling, selling chometz, eating like chazerim or fighting for lounges on Pesach Sheyni. The key in the challah, or the challah shaped like a key is to remind us that the gates of heaven are taka open and that we should take advantage of the RBSO’s receptivity to our prayers during this time period. In other words: Daven better, talk less, skip the kiddish club and efsher you will merit a response.

The Apter Ruv cites several other reasons for this minhag, some of which seemingly resonate with the many thousands that bake this special challah. Ershtens….and efsher the most popular of all, it’s maybe a sigulah (merit) for parnoso (livelihood). How so? Ver veyst? Seemingly, we accept that up in heaven, all our needs are compartmentalized, meaning that every one of our needs is found at a different gate or window. The shlissel (key) is inserted so that we can channel the parnoso gate to stay open thereby allowing for less stress as we toil away trying to earn a living. The key is symbolic of this gate, the money gate. We are asking through challah dough for the RBSO to keep us in mind with other dough. Shoin, when money is in play and all it takes is the baking of some shlissel challah, it’s no wonder that the popularity of this custom increases yearly and shoin, today, in our times, many thousands of families -all over the world- are baking and enjoying shlissel challah hopeful that the segula (omen for good luck and wealth) will somehow ensure a greater financial future ahead. Does all this work? Ver veyst? The bottom line: No harm no foul and if it makes one feel good, why not. Moreover, why be left wondering if that’s the reason the parnoso didn’t kick in as hoped? Veyter!

As we make our way through Sefer Vayikra, we’re just about done with korbonis -though our parsha does dictate that a special korban be brought by the new mother -a sin offering- and it’s time for some straight talk about sex and childbearing. Ironically, we are taught that the new mother must bring the sin offering for having sworn -out loud- during labor pains that she would never again engage in sexual activities with her husband.

The heylige Toirah discusses sex? Well, the explanation for the sin offering is from the medrish, and that being said, yes, the heylige Toirah does indeed discuss sex.  De emes iz (truth be told), mostly it discusses what is forbidden and with whom not to have sex. The list is long, and many of you chazerim would do well to chazir it over and again. Shoin, now that I have your attention, be aware that our parshas are not about sex at all. In fact, nowhere other than a shtikel mention way back in Parshas Bereishis where we learn that a man should cling to his wife, is there a discussion of what is permitted sexually. Only what happens after. What taka happens? In most cases, especially by those without plans, a baby is born. Ober by inz Yiddin (us nice Jewish people), avada ershtens (firstly) we get married and der nuch (afterwards) we have children. Tazria, the front half of the springtime doubleheader covers menstruation, childbirth, skin discoloration, lesions and other skin conditions that keep dermatologists laughing all the way to the bank. Back then, this job was performed by the kohanim as a side hustle. Seemingly, when not in rotation to accept korbonis from the guilty and those who were otherwise compelled to offer sacrifices, where they zicher partook and accepted tips and or bribes to move up the line, they were able to diagnose, make declarations about purity and impurities. One can only imagine how critical it was to have a friendly koihen on his side. Parshas Metzoira is about leprosy and according to many, its root cause: loshoin horo.  It would take over 25 pages to mamish review these parshas thoroughly and  given that many of you suffer from severe ADD when it comes to learning the heylige Toirah, this week, the heylige Ois will be mekatzer (shorten) the  review.  Lommer unfangin (let’s begin).

Said the RBSO to our Zeyda Avrohom Oveenu (Bereishis 17:12) “And throughout the generations, every male among you shall be circumcised at the age of eight days.” Ober like many commandments in the heylige Toirah, the RBSO never told our Zeyda why.  Why not on lucky 7, why not on day 30 and why not on Shabbis? Why not at night, and so many other questions.  Why davka on day 8? And what has this to do with our parsha? The second posik of our parsha tell us this:

Nu, mistama you have lots of questions and let’s taka try to chap pshat. Efsher you’re wondering why women get these menstrual cycles altogether. Is it necessary to put the women through such yisurim (unpleasantness)?  Guess who knew the answer, at least one of them anyway? Says the heylige Gemora, that abstinence from marital relations during the wife’s seven unclean days is related to strengthening the bond between husband and wife.  Asked and answered Rebbe Meir in a Berayso (Talmudic quote from the authors of the Mishnah): “Why did the Toirah dictate menstrual uncleanliness for seven days? Because he (the husband) grows accustomed to her (his wife), and tires of her. That’s taka emes; would you not tire of eating tuna daily? What to do? The heylige Toirah imposed a rule to promote closeness. Let the wife be unclean (forbidden) -so the heylige Gemora (Niddah 31b) teaches us- for seven days so that she again may be pleasing to her husband as when she first came under the bridal canopy.” Mistama there are other reasons -many- why the husband is no longer as attracted as he once was, but that for another time.

As to the bris being performed on day 8, avada you’re not surprised to hear that there is more than one answer given, in fact there are three. The first, the strengthening martial bonds, was just mentioned. How does cutting the baby’s penis make the marital bond stronger? Ver veyst, ober mir darfen tzu farshtein (we need to chap) that since this instruction about a bris on day 8 is given here in Parshas Tazria, there must be some connection, and who better to provide a hard answer but the heylige Gemora which tells us azoy: Since the command to perform the bris on day 8 was given immediately after the few words about post-partum impurity, they are somehow connected. Shoin! In yeshiva reyt (language) this is called ‘semichus parshiois’ (when two subjects are very close to one another, they are often related). And the eighth day was chosen precisely because one had to wait until the woman’s seven unclean days were over.  Asks and answers Rebbe Shimon bar Yochai: “Why did the Toirah establish circumcision on the eighth day? So as not to have everyone rejoicing while the father and mother are sad [because they cannot be together] (Niddah 31b).” Avada there are other reasons why they can’t be together following childbirth including the fact that it’s sakonos nefoshois (putting one’s life in danger). In other words: intimacy in those early days could have a deleterious effect on her health. What’s pshat? Nu, try telling the eishes chayil (wife) seven days post childbirth that you’re epes in the mood and want intimacy. See what happens. That is the real sakono: Says the Ois azoy: Her life is not in danger; it’s yours if you try. In fact, I guarantee the same result 30 days later.

Says Reb Yudan bar Pazi: Why is the newborn circumcised on the eighth day? Because the Holy One, blessed be He, bestowed His mercy on him, waiting until he (the baby) be strong. And how does he know this? From two other pisukim, one in Vayikra from where we learn that just as the Holy One, blessed be He, is merciful to humans, so too to animals. How do we know this? From the words in Vayikro (22:27): “When an ox or a sheep or a goat is born … and from the eighth day on … it shall be acceptable as an offering.”  Shoin: a baby is compared to an animal. Just as the animal may be used as a korban from the 8^th day forward, so too, the boy’s foreskin may be sacrificed. Gevaldick? Oy vey!

Says the RambaM (Guide of the Perplexed III.49) who happened to have been a physician in support of this view: “The fact that circumcision is performed on the eighth day is due to the circumstance that all living beings are very weak and exceedingly tender when they are born, as if they were still in the womb. This is so until seven days are past. It is only then that they are counted among the living….”

Says the medrish (Emor 27.10) that circumcision is put off until the eighth day so that the newborn will live through one Shabbis before he is circumcised.  And, said Rebbe Yehoshua of Sakhnin in the name of Rebbe Levi (who efsher heard this from another source): It is like a king who comes to a certain state where he issues an edict as follows: No visitors here shall be received by me until they first pay their respects to the Madame. We assume that the madame he was referring to was his wife. Nu, which king wants his subjects visiting the Madame, I don’t exactly know.  Efsher he meant the Madam, ver veyst? L’mai nafka mina (what’s the difference you ask)? Let’s see. A Madam is a term for a woman who is engaged in the business of procuring prostitutes, usually the manager of a brothel, while the Madame is a title of form of address used of or for a French speaking woman. Exactly what this medrish means, ver veyst but we can kler azoy:

The quote, attributed to Rebbe Yehoishua of Sakhnin and possibly sourced from Rebbe Levi, uses the analogy of a king who decrees that visitors must pay their respects to the “Madame” before receiving his favor. This illustrates the concept of honoring and respecting the “internal voice” or inner guidance before seeking external validation or guidance. In essence, the “Madame” represents the individual’s own intuition and wisdom, which should be respected and followed before seeking counsel from others. What all that means, ver veyst?

Another view: The Holy One, blessed be He, said: “Do not bring me a sacrifice until it has lived through a week, for there are no seven days without a Shabbis, and there shall be no circumcision without a Shabbis.”

Shoin, now that we know why the bris takes place on day eight, let’s see what a few had to say about the making of a boy or girl.  Says the heylige Gemora (Niddah 31a where there is a lot to unpack), this: “If the woman gives seed first, she gives birth to a male; if the man gives seed first, she gives birth to a female.” What’s pshat here?  How does that work? Does sex involve farming and seeding? Plowing is understood, if you chap. Shoin, let’s read innvaynig again from the second posik of the parsha (Vayikra 12:2): אִשָּׁה כִּי תַזְרִיעַ וְיָלְדָה זָכָר (When a woman gives seed and bears a male child).

Our Sages of the heylige Gemara (same one)  pick up on the strange phrasing “תַזְרִיעַ” — “gives seed” — and explain that if the woman gives seed first, the child will be a boy; if the man gives seed first, the child will be a girl. Again, we ask azoy:  How does this work? Shoin, on its face, the Toirah describes the general process of conception, starting with the woman’s role. The word “Tazria” could simply mean she becomes fertile or conceives, not necessarily that she physically “gives seed” first in time. It’s not literal. What is it? According to the heylige Gemora (still the same one), there’s a spiritual and biological influence and pshat is this: If the woman “gives seed first,” it influences the resulting child to be a male. If the man “gives seed first,” it influences a female. What the woman’s seed look like, only few know. Literally, there’s some biological or metaphysical reality that the order-of-seeding affects gender. According to others, the order of the seeding reflects which parent’s spiritual influence is dominant in the conception. He or she who gives first, wins.

Ober how does all this square up with what we know biologically in our times? And what we know is this: The man’s sperm determines the baby’s gender: X-chromosome sperm (girl), Y-chromosome sperm (boy). We also know this: The timing of ovulation relative to intercourse may affect which sperm succeeds. Y-sperm (boy) are faster but die quicker; X-sperm (girl) are slower but live longer. Some have tried to link Chazal’s words to this by saying that if a woman is more “ready” or fertile (e.g., closer to ovulation), the fast Y-sperm reach the egg first, resulting in a boy — a way of “her giving seed first,” metaphorically.

Want more? Want a deeper view? The heylige Zoihar and other kabbalistic sources say that the intention, spiritual purity, and emotional state of the couple during conception can influence not only the gender but also the soul type that is drawn down. A woman who is spiritually “first” (more active, driven) during sexual intercourse can draw down a male soul. When the woman has stronger “hislahavus” (passionate longing during the seeding process) for connection, the soul that comes down is a male, because zochor (male) represents the side of giving, action, leadership. Which manifests in a masculine form. If the man is “first,” it draws down a feminine soul.

How are followers of the heylige Ois to process all this? It’s quite poshit (simple) and the Me’am Loi’ez explains it all in plain English: “תַזְרִיעַ” — If the woman ‘gives seed’ — means if she reaches climax, meaning orgasm, first during intimacy, she will give birth to a male. Shoin, I said it! Ober, if the man climaxes first, it will be a female. The bottom line: Now we chap why there is a shidduch crisis. Too many men are climaxing first and shoin.

He adds this: The RBSO placed a spiritual rule: “The one whose desire and contribution is stronger at the moment of union affects the outcome.” A woman’s greater spiritual excitement and emotional preparation can “tilt” the formation of the child toward a male. In short: the combination of physical readiness and spiritual passion is very powerful and can pull down a soul of a specific type. Wow!

Want more? Here we go: Says the Ramban on our posik that the term “תַזְרִיעַ” indicates an act of active contribution — not just passivity. The woman’s body contributes more in the initial stage of pregnancy (the ovum), and if her strength or vitality dominates at the moment of conception, the child is male. As an aside, though we all know that the Rambam was a doctor, as it turns out, the Ramban too was a doctor. He was so much more; his resume would have included these other titles: leading medieval Jewish scholar, rabbi, philosopher, physical, kabbalist, and biblical commentator. Wow! He saw no contradiction between the heylige Toirah and biology. He believed that the heylige Toirah describes deeper rules of nature we are only partially aware of.

Finally, we close with this. Our sages (Chazal) state that the Moshiach will come “from a woman who had the upper hand” in the union.  In the kabbala, Moshiach’s soul is described as a very high light that can only descend when the woman (Malchus) initiates and elevates first. In plain English: Our sages are hinting that in the future, the “woman giving seed” — meaning, taking a higher and holier initiative — will produce the ultimate “zochor (male) “the male redeemer, Moshiach!”

And the bottom line? The idea of female seed/semen was widespread in the ancient world, into the middle-ages, and is present in several biblical texts. Both men and women are active contributors to procreation. Seen or unseen, man’s seed meets up with woman’s seed and shoin!

A gittin Shabbis!

The Heylige Oisvorfer Ruv

Yitz Grossman

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