Weekly Parsha Review Laced with Humor and Sarcasm from The Oisvorfer Ruv

Tetzaveh 2015 – Magic Lights & Jumble

#1This week we begin by wishing a very heartfelt  mazel tov to Rabbi and Rebitzen Hershel and Renee Billet on the wedding, this past Sunday of their son  Moshe Hillel, to Rebecca Nechama Rapaport, she of Teaneck, New Jersey. The Oisvorfer has been to well over 1,000 beautiful chupahs and weddings but only a few can be described as forever memorable. This one was! This song and music filled chupah attended by approximately 1,000 people was one of those amazingly beautiful moments that are not to be forgotten. Mazel tov to the entire extended Billet family and mazel tov to Deborah and Michael  Rapaport, parents of the beautiful kallah, and to their entire extended families. May the couple enjoy many years of blissful marriage.

Have you made Pesach plans yet? Not yet?  Check out the El Caribe Hilton in San Juan, Puerto Rico –check it out here www.legendarydestinations.com – Call David at 212-791-9750 and mention the Oisvorfer. Though it’s getting late in the game, his promise to not raise your rates as a result of mentioning the Oisvorfer stands.  The Oisvorfer will be in attendance. The weather is guaranteed and the program promises to be just as good.

Though we rarely shout-out birthdays, today, because it’s zayin Adar (the 7th day of the Hebrew month of Adar) which happens to be the birthday of Moishe Rabaynu, we make an exception. It so happens that he also passed away on zayin Adar. How do we know these dates if they are not recorded? Taka an excellent question, one we will address on page 5.

Raboyseyee and Ladies:

Magic lights & jumble

According to Achroinim including Google, Wikipedia and others, Jumble is one of the most beloved and successful word games in history. Created in 1954 by Martin Naydel, it has been widely syndicated and licensed to become the most recognizable scrambled word game in the world. Roughly 70 million people have access to jumble every day through more than 600 U.S. and international publications. It is available in books, on mobile applications and on the web. Classic Jumble and newer variations, such as Jumble Crosswords, Jumble Word Vault, Jumble Solitaire, Jumble Jong and others are also favorites.

Ober like a few other things found on Google, it’s not emes! Not at all! And Martin Naydel may have been a nice guy but the word game jumble he neither invented nor created. Who did? As it turns out, it was the RBSO, creator of the world, who also invented the first ever game of jumble and you can read all about it in this week’s parsha of Tetzevah. Is that mamish the emes? It is.

It’s one parsha later and five months have passed. The Yiddin are still busy hocking and klopping away at building the Mishkan and its accoutrements. And as He does in so many parshas, B’H (thank the RBSO) in this week’s parsha as well, the RBSO will create jobs and industries for those Yiddin not destined to become koillel yungaleyght (learners), lawyers, judges, caterers, architects, artisans, and craftspeople. Instead, by demanding a very detailed and highly fashioned clothing line He will have seeded the entire garment industry and put to work many thousands of Yiddin, even those who preferred to skip college. Mamish a perfect fit for them. Nu, what good is a nice outfit, if not properly adorned and bedecked in precious jewels? Not to worry, the RBSO, in another flash of genius, instructed Moishe to make sure that the Koihanim had matching stones and jewels and shoin, yet another industry was born: diamonds and jewelry!  Stones, both precious and semi precious are described in great detail in the parsha, as are the specific clothing that the koihanim and the big kihuna wore from head to toe.

And to chap exactly how jumble came about, we need some background. The midbar, as we have discussed in the past, was a magical place. The RBSO made things appear that have many of us scratching our heads ad hayoim hazeh (until today). Had you paid attention  in yeshiva instead of daydreaming about meydlich, chazir that you are, you might have known this week’s parsha, of Tetzaveh focuses primarily on the bigday-kihuna (priestly vestments) that koihanim -regular and the big kihuna- had to wear while performing the avoido (service). The RBSO will unveil His first ever full male only collection. Efsher  you  remember that way back in parshas Bereishis, He fashioned some clothing for Odom and Chava following the chapping incident during which they chapped forbidden fruit, the snake may have chapped Chava and they got chapped by the RBSO. But that was nothing when compared to the detailed line he will uveil for  His Mishkan collection. This week’s line was reserved for the koihanim. Once again, as we make our way through the parsha that spawned haute couture, fashion design and careers for many feygalich and also thousands of Yiddin who would end up in the schmatta business as either manufacturers, wholesalers, jobbers or retailers, we will need to rely on outside sources (Gemora and medrish) for further illumination to chap just how  the RBSO was directly involved in the design of this collection. Speaking of illumination, let’s meet the Choishen, an intricate part of the koihen godol’s ensemble and one that was somehow empowered by the RBSO to communicate -without speech- through some magic illumination. Let’s shine some light on it.

Let’s learn some parsha together. Says the heylige Toirah  (Shemois 28:15) azoy:  “You shall make a ‘Breastplate of Judgment’ of a woven design, like the craftsmanship of the Eyphoid shall you make it, of gold, turquoise, purple, and scarlet wool; and linen–twisted together–shall you make it.” That article, the Choishen, which the koihen godol wore for special occasions as an ornament on his chest, was formally known as the Choishen Mishpot (the Breastplate of Judgment).  And its purpose? The heylige Gemora and many others will tell us that the Choishen symbolically atoned for erroneous decisions made by courts of judgment, and to provide clear directives and rulings for the nation. Remember that last part. Exactly how an article of clothing provided clear directives and rulings will take us another page or two; here we go. Sounds boring but halt kup (pay attention); it’s everything but.

Now would be a good time to remind you that koihanim were directed to wear 4 articles of clothing while the koihen godol, wore 8. According to many, each article of clothing had both a physical and spiritual purpose. Of course every koihen needed gotchkis (underwear) to cover his privates ober the medrish will teach us that the underwear was meant to atone for sins mistama done without them. We have previously covered each item and what they were intended to atone for; check out the archives for more details.

The heylige Toirah tells us that the Choishen should look like a square. The medrish and others tell us that the Choishen was twice as long as it was wide, but since it was folded at the middle, its length and width were each one half cubit. Ober just before it was folded in half, the ineffable name of the RBSO, the Tetragrammaton, was written on a parchment and inserted in the fold. This parchment was called the Urim V’Tumim.


The Choishen, which the Koihen Gadol [High Priest] wore, served an invaluable role. Whenever the Jewish nation was faced with a critical issue affecting their national welfare (for example, a question of whether to go to war or not), the Koihen Gadol would seek the advice  and the answer would appear on the Choishen. The Choishen had twelve precious stones mounted on it, four rows of three stones each. Each stone represented one of the heylige shvotim (tribes of Israel), each stone engraved like a signet ring, bearing the name of one of the twelve special sons of Yaakov.  Soon we will tie all this together.

Let’s meet the Urim V’tumim, two Hebrew words that will be mentioned a few times this week. As stated above, but worthy of being repeated, the Urim V’tumin was a writing of the Shaim HaMif’or’ash (Explicit Name] of the RBSO  that was placed into the Choishen. What are the Urim and Tumim? No one really knows with certainty, or, at there is no consensus as to what these words mean. What was their shape, what were they made of, what was their size, color and how did they function? The heylige Toirah does not tell us. All we know with certainty was that they functioned magically azoy: the first koihen godol to wear them was Aharoin, the first ever full time high priest (we will learn that Moishe functioned in this position for one week). Following Aharoin, the Urim and Tumin functioned for the next appointed high priest. Should Aharoin or any koihen godol have to make a decision and knew not the answer, he would somehow consult the Urim and Tumim. Did they talk? Did words appear on them? Ver veyst? We don’t know! What we do know, though avada no everyone agrees, is that the Urim and Tumim somehow communicated to the koihen godol what the RBSO wanted, and that settled the decision.  The Urim V’Tumim gave the Choishen the ability to convey communications and messages from the RBSO. In plain English: Through the letters on the Choishen, the Koihen Godol received prophetic messages. A question posed by the koihen godol to the RBSO was answered  through a prophetic vision. This vision utilized the letters engraved on the stones of the Choishen as the medium for communication.

Says the heylige Gemora (Yoma 73b) as quoted by  Rashi  and the Ramban  (Shemois  28:30)   azoy: the Urim V’Tumim was a single piece of parchment on which the holy name of the RBSO was written. This parchment was placed inside the breastplate (the Choishen), which was embedded with precious jewels, engraved with the names of the shevotim (tribes). The koihen godol, if in need of spiritual guidance, would consult the Urim V’Tumim for divine advice. In other words, he either talked to it, or, while wearing it, concentrated on the question he needed answered. And shoin: magically, the letters on the stones, seemingly charged with the power of the RBSO’s holy name, would light up in some fashion, thereby conveying an answer to the koihen. In other words: the first ever wireless device.


And now the exciting part: though enough letters lit up to give the koihen the correct answer, it was his job to somehow unscramble the jumbled letters and fashion out of them, the correct word or words that the RBSO was magically conveying. He needed to solve the puzzle. And he did this how? Through Ru’ach Ha’koidesh (divine prophesy) since without it, the same letters can be combined in a number of ways. He needed to be on a holy level where he could get himself into a trance or spiritual place and then  the RBSO helped him solve the puzzle. Gishmak mamish!

Ober asks the heylige Gemora azoy: why would the  Koihen Godol need to have Ruach ha’Koidesh in order to receive an answer from the Urim V’tumim if the letters themselves protruded or joined together to give him the answer.  Not to worry because the Gemora, as expected, answers azoy: the Koihen Godol must have Ruach ha’Koidesh (prophesy) because he must “assist” the letters that protrude or join together. And he does this how? As stated just above and as Rashi tells us, it was his concentration with some help from above that caused the letters to either protrude or join together. Ober did they protrude or join together, which was it? Shoin, that is of course a shtikel machloikes (dispute) between Rebbe Yoichanan, who maintains that the letters protruded, and Reish Lokish, who maintains that the letters joined together. Who was right?  Says the  Ramban (Shemois 28:30) and the Ritva: they were both right. How could this be? Because according to them, the letters both protruded and joined together. And taka, there are times when protrusions do lead to joining together, if you chap. Veyter.  Another view will teach us that the letters actually jumped up and fused (to make whole words) on their own.

But wait…which letters lit up? Nu, just above we learned that the names of every sheyvet -from Reuvain to Binyomin- were inscribed onto the precious stones. And for these letters to provide coherent answers, we would assume that between all their names and all the letters in their names, every letter in the Aleph Beis (Hebrew alphabet) would be covered. But we would be assuming incorrectly and it so happens that if you take the time to write out all the names of all the shvotim, you will find that 2 or maybe even 3 letters are not found.

And taka asks the heylige Gemora azoy: how did the letters on the stones of the Choishen combine to spell the answer to any question if they did not contain every letter of the alphabet? We taka know that the names of the twelve sons of Yaakov were inscribed on the stones of the Choishen, but none of those names contain the letter “Tzadi.” Ober not to worry; the Gemora has an answer, it always does.  Seemingly the names of the Ovois (our forefathers) were also inscribed on the stones and avada you know that the name “Yitzchok” contains the letter “Tzadi.” Shoin and erleydikt (settled and case closed). Not so fast because the Gemora then realized that the letter “Tes” appears neither in the names of the sons of Yaakov nor in the names of the Ovois. And if the letter “Tes” was not inscribed on the stones, how could answers from the Urim v’Tumim include it? Not to worry: says the Gemora that the words “Shivtei Yeshurun” (G-d’s holy tribes) were also inscribed on the stones and the word ‘Shivtei’, when spelled out in  Hebrew, does in fact contain a “tes.”  Givaldig!

Did the Urim and Tumim always work properly? Says the heylige Gemora (Berochois 31a) azoy:  There were taka times when the Koihen could not figure out what the letters were saying. A few of you might recall the famous story about Eli Hakoihen (he, the high priest at the time), who misread the letters of the Urim V’tumim regarding Chana. Eli read the letters appearing on the Breastplate to be Shin-Cof-Reish-Hay which spelled out the word  of ‘shikoirah’ (drunken one) when in fact the correct reading was Cof-Shin-Reish-Hay, Kesheira (worthy one). Oops!  Seemingly at that precise moment, Eli lacked the power of ‘Tumim’. He saw the light of the Urim but could not properly jumble; he was missing the tumim, the ability to chap what the letters should read.

And to close this subject, says Bais Av azoy: bazman hazeh (in our times) there are many people who are blessed with the power of  ‘Urim’, the light of the heylige Toirah. They are quite knowledgeable and can quote from it. But not many have the tumim or the ability to properly interpret what the heylige Toirah is saying or trying to convey. In each generation, only a select few have this gift. Seemingly, there are many with knowledge but few who really chap how to properly interpret this knowledge into what the RBSO really wants from His Chosen people.

Shoin: earlier we shouted out Moishe rabaynu on his birthday. It so happens that we read parshas Tetzaveh (almost) yearly when it’s his birthday. And guess what? The birthday boy is missing from the parsha; he is not mentioned by name at all, anywhere. Moreover, from his birth in parshas Shemois, and at least until we finish sefer Bamidbar, Moishe is mentioned by name, usually multiple times, in every single parsha but this one. Even more perplexing is the fact that kimat  the entire parsha is comprised of the RBSO instructing Moishe about two giant industries that the Yiddin still find themselves in over 3,000 years later and not one mention of his name? Avada a few wisenheimers will argue that the word “Moishe” appears only a few times in all of Sefer Devorim (Deuteronomy). Ober that’s because  the entire Devorim is a 37-day long speech which Moishe delivered to the Yiddin before his passing. Do you know how many times the RBSO calls Moishe by name in each parsha since his birth? Just checking; , neither do I?

Ober why is it taka that he went missing? Nu- it depends who you ask; let’s see what some had to say about his disappearance. And , shteltz- zich-de-kasha (the question arises): vus epes (why) did the RBSO choose Parshas Tetzaveh to drop Moishe’s name, albeit temporarily, from the heylige Toirah? Did they get into an argument? Was the RBSO broiges (angry) at Moishe? And speaking of Moishe’s birthday and yurtzeit….how do we taka know this to be the date? Halt kup and you’ll learn something you can mamish repeat at the shabbis tish.  It is seemingly derived from the fact that following his death on the 7th of Adar, the Yiddin mourned him for 30 days. Immediately thereafter, Yehoishua announced that in three days’ time they would be crossing the Jordan River. Shoin. The Novi tells us that the crossing took place on the 10th of Nissan. Shoin:  if you cheshbon (do the math) this all out…zayin Adar (the 7th day) it is. And how is his birthday and day of passing commemorated yearly? Certain individuals, especially members of a Chevra Kadisha (burial society) fast on zayin Adar to show their appreciation. To whom? To the RBSO because way back when, they got this day off from their regularly scheduled pickups.  Seemingly, their services weren’t needed because it was the RBSO Himself who buried Moishe. And such a good did He do, that until today, we are clueless as to where  the RBSO buried him. So happens that many chevra kadisha societies get together this time of year for their annual sium and fundraiser. Not many people attend but as one rabbi suggested just last week: it’s best you go to them before they come to you, if you chap.  Why they fast when they should be feasting, to mark his birthday, ver veyst?


Still, why is Moishe missing from the script? Says the Baal Haturim azoy: when the Yiddin sinned with the Eygel (Golden Calf) –see next week’s parsha- and he was prepared to wipe them off the face of the earth, Moishe said to the RBSO azoy: “If You do not [forgive them] erase me from the book that You have written” (Shemois 32:31). Nu, the RBSO does not like to be threatened or put on the spot like that and shoin: Moishe was gone! Ober is this pshat satisfying? Would the RBSO make such a strong move and be so angry with the one person He felt closest to in the history of man? And took him out of his bar mitzvah parsha? What’s taka pshat? Moreover, it’s not like Moishe banished him forever or sent him to live over in Chernobyl.  He does reappear next week and stays with us until his passing. And the RBSO does in fact continue to let him lead and even performs more miracles through him.

Ober the  Baal Haturim answers his own question and says p’shat is azoy: The  erasure of his name was realized in this parsha, since the censure of a righteous person, even if made conditional on an unfulfilled stipulation, always has some effect. Although, the RBSO did in fact pardon the Yiddin, Moishe’s words were so powerful, they came true anyway. In other words: he jinxed himself! Says the heylige Gemora (Sanhedrin 90b) azoy: The curse of a wise man, even if said conditionally, comes true. It’s taka bavust (known) that many of you oisvorfs mistama also curse from time to time and sometimes in disgust, even at yourselves…but I have givaldige (more than excellent) news for you: you needn’t worry because the Gemora specifically states that only the curse of the wise and righteous man comes true: case closed!

Said the Vilna Gaon azoy:  Moishe taka died on the seventh of Adar, and this date taka typically  falls in the week of parshas Tetzaveh, as it does this year. Ober just as Moishe was removed from the world during this week, so too his name was “removed” from the parsha of this week. By not mentioning his name, we are foreseeing his death. How this information was known 39 years or so before his passing, ver veyst?  Hey- we don’t write these midroshim, only repeat them.

Others suggest Moishe humbly stepped aside in this week’s Toirah portion in order to let Aharoin enjoy center-stage in his new role as Koihain Gadoil (big kihunna). Nu, avada you’re wondering why the RBSO would pass up on Moishe for this honor and select his brother Aharoin; wasn’t he a shtikel co-conspirator in the entire Eygel incident? Are you taka wondering? The gevaldige news here is that the RBSO likes to forget or forgive bad behavior from time to time and that is good news for most you who worship all the wrong things.
Seemingly, the  RBSO picks His moments when to mete out punishment and this avada should be a lesson to all of you oisvorfs who constantly think you’re getting away with whatever chazzerish behavior you are constantly up to. Moishe got his and one day…………

A gittin shabbis-





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