Raboyseyee and Ladies,
Just yesterday, the Ois put out a SPECIAL EDITION on his search for cousins he never knew existed; check it out here:
https://oisvorfer.com/special-edition-searching-for-cousins/. It’s mamish riveting, interesting and givaldig! It’s a must read.
Orgy Participants; Whodunit, How Many Died?
Long before Covid-19 ravaged the world, killing hundreds of thousands to millions wherever it so pleased, and long before the former Governor of New York began covering up the real numbers, Rashi on one subject in this week’s parsha, did farkert (opposite): he may have given us higher numbers of dead than any other source. We shall examine the numbers he quotes way below, but let us begin here.
Shoin, just last week (Parshas Chukas), once again, the Yiddin -some- angered the RBSO. In response He punished them with killer snakes and a few thousand more disappeared from the scene. And just when you thought the killing is over and the Yiddin are finally ready for prime time -and so it would appear as we make our way through most of the parsha- it’s not! Another 24,000 -some say more- will die in the last nine pisukim in one of the more astounding events and storylines recorded in the entire heylige Toirah. The Toirah tells us about a sex orgy: Say it’s not so please but it is; oy vey! We have previously written about the event, ober the Ois is back with brand new information. Just who were the 24,000 participants? Was it a smattering of all the Yiddin? Was each sheyvet (tribe) adequately represented? Or, did one tribe stand out, and up -if you chap- above the others? We shall address this new topic below, ober, ershtens (firstly)…
Lest you think that the Yiddin had a good week and flew below the radar while enjoying the protection of the A’an’ay Hakovoid (the clouds of glory), that we are taught guided them for 40 years, in this week’s parsha, near the very end -last nine pisukim- the Yiddin will find yet another way to anger the RBSO. Whether or not they mamish had or used protection, ver veyst, but guess what? It’s not a happy ending and another 24,000 will perish before we get to the haftora. Be sure to be in attendance for this part: you’ll feel mamish left out if you miss it. This group of Yiddin are incorrigible to say the least; then again, what else was there to do in the midbar? This time they’re not hungry or thirsty and they’ve seemingly forgotten all the requests they made just last week for exotic fruits, including pomegranates. This week, the objects of their desires are the exotic shiksa Midianite and or Moabite women, depending on which pshat you like. Some say they enjoyed both. This particular debate was covered in prior years and please see archives for a more stimulating discussion on this particular factoid. Avada givist (of course), these encounters did have happy endings followed immediately by a less than pleasant death. Mistama (likely), you chazerim want to hear more; of course, you do, ober ershtens (but first) let’s check in on Bilham and Bolok and the nefarious plots they concocted to curse and hurt the Yiddin.
Though our parsha of the week is named Bolok, the story is really about Bilham -a prophet according to some, a sorcerer according to others- who is hired by Bolok, the Moabite king, to curse the Yiddin. Bikitzuer (in short) here’s what went down: Bolok ben Tzipor, the king of Moiav, himself a warrior, hears that the Yiddin defeated the nation of Emor while on their way to the Promised Land. He becomes frightened and thinks he’s next. He consults with the good people of Midian where Moishe spent a bunch of years -first as a fugitive from Egyptian justice, and then, after finding a wife, as the shepherd to his shver’s sheep (shoin, shepherding was also a profession back in Toirah times) – about trying to come up with a plan to defeat the Jews. They tell him he has one shot only: he has to find Bilham because he, Bilham, has special powers to curse -he’s a sorcerer of sorts- and if he curses the Yiddin, all will be good for king Bolok and his nation of Moiav. Chap so far? Veyter! Most of the parsha -7/8ths- is about the plan, its execution, its failures, and a suddenly speech-empowered she donkey that belonged to Bilham. Why the RBSO dedicated 95 of the 104 pisukim in the parsha to the very explicit details of the various schemes Bilham devised, all which failed of course, ver veyst? The bottom line: when the RBSO affords protection, it’s lights out for the enemy. Another bottom line: two anti-semitten (antisemites) united for a common cause: They both hated the Yiddin; what else is new? Why the plots -several of them- are described in such colorful detail -screenplay ready- when other topics are delivered laconically -leaving us with more questions than answers, ver veyst? It’s yet another question to ask Eliyhou Hanovee when he makes an appearance. A talking ass, you wonder?
Following Bilham’s colossal failures to curse the Yiddin, he left for home and the Yiddin settled in Shittim where all hell would break loose. Nu what could be so giferlich, what could they have already done? What’s so special about this place called Shittim? Says the medrish: Just before Bilham left for home, he came up with one last plot, an oldie, but time tested and kimat (nearly) always guaranteed to work. It involved Yiddin and hookers, a deadly combination! There are many versions of the story, let’s try one so you can chap the scene. Oh, and before you start calling the Ois all sorts of names, please be reminded that we only discuss what’s already been printed by the heylige Gemora or medrish and other exegetes. In this case, in the heylige Toirah itself then further elucidated by the heylige Gemora, the medrish and many others chime in. Seemingly, all wanted in on the tantalizing details; sex sells! Says the heylige Toirah (Bamidbar 25:1), azoy: “And Israel dwelled in Shittim. And the people began to go astray after the daughters of Moiov.” That’s it? No!
Our parsha- as we have mentioned several times over the years, also features -in a co-starring role- the famous ass (a she donkey) that gets a speaking role, mamish. And while many taka talk out of their asses (a rather rude or even vulgar slang meaning one is talking utter nonsense and is acting like, or being an idiot mamish) our talking donkey, or at least its mouth -so says the medrish and others- was created on erev shabbis on the sixth day of creation and set aside for several thousand years mamish for this week’s parsha and events. The RBSO avada foresaw its need specifically for the purpose of trying to dissuade Bilham from executing his plan of cursing the Yiddin.
Veyter: Bolok hires Bilham to curse the Yiddin, and in scenes reminiscent of ‘the gang that couldn’t shoot straight,’ Bilam is unable, for various reasons, to curse the Yiddin. Along the way the RBSO, first through his Malach and then seemingly Himself, has an encounter or two with Bilham and warns him against cursing the RBSO’s favorite people- us the Yiddin. Mistama and avada you’re wondering why the RBSO is epes having meetings with this fellow- so am I. Does the RBSO converse with non-Jewish sorcerers? Did He empower certain goyim with prophecy? At the same level as our own prophets? Hey: aren’t we the chosen people? Rashi -who else- covers this by explaining that the RBSO didn’t want other nations of the world to complain that we the Jews had Moishe and therefore we’re so well behaved (ha) while they had no one to provide leadership and guidance. Seemingly the RBSO didn’t want to hear them whining jealously about the fact that they didn’t have good representation. Accordingly, He selected Bilam the goy sorcerer, despite his personal character flaws, infused him with some ruach hakoidesh (Divine Spirit) which, according to many, came to him only during the night and had meetings and conversations with him. I understand that many of you also have spirits at night; unfortunately, they’re less than holy. Chap all that? Ok- veyter. For more on the exact plotlines, check out the archives at Oisvorfer.com.
Bottom line: If you’re having a difficult time believing that an ass can suddenly talk, you’re not alone. Says the Rambam, this entire incident was but a prophetic vision; none of it happened! What? An entire parsha of the heylige Toirah describing events in detail never happened? Shoin, were the heylige Ois or any of you yeshiva bums to suggest -even jokingly- a theory so preposterous, shul committees would be formed to discuss whether or not your membership should be revoked. On the other hand, if you were, are, and remain a major contributor -or at least pay your shul bills on time- the committee would conclude that you are but a shtikel eccentric. Bottom line: asses talk, money talks too. Be assured that the Ois is only repeating what the Rambam suggested went down in our parsha. Who are we to argue with the Rambam?
Veyter: way up on top we mentioned that the last nine pisukim discuss the orgy and that 24,000 perished; they came and went, if you chap. Though the heylige Toirah is silent as to the identities of the 24,000 selected for an ugly death -according to one pshat- all 24,000 were hung mamish- as you can imagine, a number of exegetes went digging; they wanted more specifics. Who were the sinners? Just who participated in the great orgy with shiksa girls of Moabite, and or, Midianite descent? Were they all from one sheyvet? Or, did all shvotim participate? Was it a private event by invite only? Could one bring a friend?
Let’s begin with what the heylige Toirah tells us; who are we to argue? Lets’ read the nine pisukim (Bamidbar 25:1-9) in English:
While Israel was staying at Shittim, the menfolk people profaned themselves by whoring with the daughter of Moiv (with the Moabite women) who invited the menfolk to the sacrifices for their god. The menfolk partook of them and worshiped that god. Thus, Israel attached itself to Baal-peor, and Hashem (the RBSO) was incensed with Israel. Hashem said to Moishe, “Take all the ringleaders (heads of the people) and have them publicly “in face of the sun.” impaled before Hashem so that Hashem’s wrath may turn away from Israel.” So Moishe said to Israel’s officials, “Each of you slay those of his men (those under his leadership who attached themselves to Baal-peor. Just then a certain Israelite man came and brought a Midianite woman over to his companions, in the sight of Moishe and of the whole Israelite community who were weeping at the entrance of the Tent of Meeting. When Pinchas (Phinehas), son of Eleazar son of Aharoin the priest, saw this, he left the assembly and, taking a spear in his hand, he followed the Israelite man into the chamber and stabbed both of them, the Israelite man and the woman, through the belly. Then the plague against the Israelites was checked. Those who died of the plague numbered twenty-four thousand.
Where is Shittim? Shittim is -we are told- a plain or valley in the land of Moab where the Yiddin were encamped following their two victories over Sichon and Oig, at the close of their desert wanderings, and from where Yihoishua sent forth two spies “secretly” to “view” the land and more. In other words: the party seemingly took place deep into year forty of desert wanderings. Ober Shittim is more than a plain or brook and the waters found at Shittim are epes magical. Mamish azoy? Ober, what does the dwelling at Shittim have to do with the Yiddin going astray and epes getting involved with sexual immorality, promiscuity, and orgies with Moabite shiksas? Was Shittim in Las Vegas? Ober says the Medrish Rabbah so amazingly, azoy: Some fountains rear strong men and some weaklings, some handsome men and some ugly men, some chaste men and some men who are steeped in lewdness. The fountain of Shittim promoted harlotry and it was the one that watered Sedoim (Sodom and you know why that place was infamous). Not since the days of Avrohom had any Jew broken loose in whoredom, but as soon as the Yiddin arrived to Shittim and drank its waters they succumbed to whoredom. Seemingly, they really arrived at Shittim, if you chap. You hear this medrish? Blame the water, why not? Why else would the otherwise well behaved, heylige and worthy Yiddin get entangled in such dastardly acts of minuvelikite? Say it’s not so please. Nu, is it a wonder that we are warned -specifically when traveling- to only drink bottled water? Who knew that one drink from a brook and shoin, all hell would break loose? Ober what taka happened?
They combined avoido zoro with sexual promiscuity, hence the Ois always reminds you to keep them separate. The RBSO has a long record of forgiving sexual indiscretions, ober never when combined. Together, they are deadly, always. The RBSO is a jealous G-d and mamish abhors avoido zoro. Veyter. The central protagonist is the “Israelite man” who publicly cohabitates with a Midianite shiksa in broad daylight, “in the eyes of Moishe and in the eyes of the entire congregation” (see posik 6). Who is this man and who is the woman? In our parsha they go unidentified, ober both are revealed, identified, and their story retold to justify their execution in next week’s parsha. As an aside, why the Toirah decided to leave us in suspense until next week, ver veyst? Nu, suspense sells. That’s great, but who else participated in the orgy? We are not told. We do know that 24,000 came and went. We also know that Pinchas killed Zimri ben Salu, a prince and head of a household in Shimon. In fact, only the execution Zimri and his cohort prevented the plague, the symbol of divine wrath, from destroying the entire congregation. And there’s a clue. Zimri came for Sheyvet Shimon. Ober was Zimri a lone wolf? The only member of the Shimonite tribe to participate? Let’s check out this next clue.
In next week’s parsha, the RBSO calls for a census. Let us recall that the RBSO has previously called for a census following the death of thousands post the eygel caper. The results indicate -at least initially- that the victims of the plague were exclusively from the tribe of Shimon. Mamish? Does the Toirah so state? Not! Oib azoy (if that’s so), why pin the crime on the Shimonites? And how do we know this to be emes? And why should the entire tribe of Shimon be punished for the actions of a single individual? Why assume that all 24,000 dead were from one sheyvet, that of Shimon. Says the Ibn Ezra azoy: “Because those who served the idol [Ba’al Pe’or] were from Shimon, as evidenced by the numbers.” In the census of the tribes in next week’s parsha (taken following the plague that struck the people due to their actions at Shittim), we find a relatively small number for the tribe of Shimon – 22,200 (Bamidbar 26:14) and this rather smallish number stands out when compared with the other tribes, and when compared with their number at the beginning of Sefer Bamidbar – 59,300. This great reduction -says the Ibn Ezra- this testifies to the fact that the great majority of the 24,000 who died in the plague that followed the sin of Ba’al Pe’or were from the tribe of Shimon. Shoin, case solved? It does epes appear that the Shittim waters only affected those from Sheyvet Shimon. Do all agree? Not!
Says the RambaN that the sin of Ba’al Pe’or should not be attributed specifically to the tribe of Shimon. Just because their census was down more dramatically than other shvotim does not automatically implicate them as sole participants in the sex-capades. “In my opinion their number is not a proof, for there would still be more than thirteen thousand missing aside from those who died in the plague.” In other words, the Shimonites were down by more than the 24,000 dead. Some other tribes also lost people [if we compare the figures of the two censes]: the tribe of Gad lost five thousand, while the tribe of Ephraim lost eight thousand.
Moreover, since the heylige Toirah tells us explicitly (posik 5) that, ‘Israel joined itself to Ba’al Pe’or,’ it’s understood that “Israel” connotes more than those of one tribe. Wait, there’s more! From posik 4 where the Toirah tells us ‘Take all the heads of the people,’ it would seem that the idolaters were represented by all the shvotim, and all the judges had to judge them. And for those reasons and a few more, RambaN does not buy into the one sheyvet theory. What really happened and who participated, ver veyst?
On the other hand, efsher we can kler azoy: when the judges of Israel killed those who had joined the festivities, it’s taka emes that Sheyvet Shimon lost more men. And we can also efsher posit azoy: going back generations, the Shimonites were stam azoy troublemakers. Was Shimon himself a problem child? Let us recall how his father Yaakov had issues with him. Did Yaakov not lambaste both Shimon and Levi for their role in wiping out Shechem and killing all its inhabitants? He did. Interestingly, in that case Shimon and Levi -just over thirteen at the time- took out their swords and killed Shechem, his father and all males for a sexual transgression against their sister Dina. Read all about it in Bereishis (49:5-7). Adds the medrish, that Yaakov -on his deathbed mamish- further excoriated Shimon for his role in the plot to kill Yosef. Let us recall Shimon’s part in the hours before the sale and let us also recall that Yoisef remembered all this. Did Yoisef not have Shimon incarcerated even after releasing the rest of his brothers? He did! And the coup-de grace? The heylige Toirah (Shmois 6:15) tells us that he married a shiksa Canaanite woman. Bottom line: the Shimonites were seemingly candidates -by the medrish for sure- as prime suspects in the Moabite shiksa affair; it was pinned on them. That being said, let’s try another flavor and listen to this amazing pshat the Ois has never before seen. Says the Pardes Yosef HeChadash Bolok § 212 (at the end) azoy:
י”ל ע”פ מש”כ בזוה”ק פ’ פנחס דהכ”ד אלף שמתו במגפה היו מערב רב שהולידו מבנות שבט שמעון
He references the heylige Zoihar III p. 236b and states that the 24,000 people who died in the plague were really the wicked erev rav. Them again? Not Shimonites? The reason the verse says they’re from the tribe of Shimon is because these were offspring of the erev rav who married women from the tribe of Shimon. According to this pshat, it was taka good that the erev rav died; they were bad from the get-go and a negative influence throughout. Even though these individuals were raised by Jewish mothers, Pardes Yosef is suggesting that they too were wicked -presumably because of their wicked fathers- and the fact that their mothers married them proves they weren’t too good either. Shoin! Be careful whom you marry.
And if you’re thinking that 24,000 dead is a big number, wait until you read Rashi -citing the heylige Gemora no less (Yerushalmi, Sanhedrin 10:2)- where he says azoy: 24,000 dead Yiddin was but the tip of the iceberg. The heylige Toirah tells us befeirush (explicitly) that the RBSO commanded Moishe to direct all the judges of Israel to hang all the perpetrators of the sin of idolatry. There were 78,600 judges, each of whom was to judge and kill two of the sinners. That would make 157,200 people who were executed plus 24,000 who died from the plague. Well blow me down; just kidding, if you chap, but that must have been one hell of a party with those shiksas. Shoin, though it’s Rashi who suggests this pshat, the RambaN begs to differ and tells us azoy: these executions never actually took place, because they were forestalled either by the plague or by Pinchas’ brave action – and that the RBSO dealt with these sinners later on. How many Yiddin died? Ver veyst?
And if all that weren’t enough to make your head spin, let’s close out with another shtikel from the Kabolo (Yalkut Reuveini Vayishlach p. 59; Asara Mamaros p. 93a; Midrash Talpiyos Giulgulim; Gilgulei Neshamos of Rameh of Puno) which tells us that Zimri and Kuzbi were gilgulim (reincarnations) of Shechem and Dina. How all this went down and why they had to come back and be speared through their genitalia -so says Rashi and others- by Pinchas, when Shimon himself used the spear to kill Shechem and why Kozbi is back when she was at first Dina, a victim of sexual abuse, is for another day. WARNING: kabolo is not for the faint of heart!
Final bottom line: How many people mamish died? How many ended up in nursing homes? The numbers are seemingly fungible in the medrish as they were during COVID.
A gittin Shabbis-
The Heylige Oisvorfer Ruv
Yitz Grossman
