Weekly Parsha Review Laced with Humor and Sarcasm from The Oisvorfer Ruv

Blackberry – Special Edition

Raboyseyee and Raboyseyettes:


Is the Blackberry treif?

Jerusalem – At a gathering in the Belzer Beis Medrash in Yerushalayim in honor of the start of the summer z’man, the Belzer Rebbe described the BlackBerry as an “instrument of contamination” that should be avoided at all costs. (Note: the ban seems to be ‘at all costs’ and that he seemingly didn’t assur (prohibit) the Chasidim from owning and or using one if they got it for free.)

Likening the evils of the smart phone to the impurity that existed in biblical Egypt, the Rebbe told thousands of Chasidim that while there are many positive and appropriate uses for a BlackBerry, because it also has the capability to expose a person to immorality, it should be viewed as an impure object.

The Rebbe cautioned those assembled to not only avoid BlackBerrys, but to advise others about the dangers of the device as well. “If you see someone who does not take this admonition seriously, you must tell them to stop using their BlackBerry,” said the Belzer Rebbe.  This is something that each of us must be vigilant about.”

The Rebbe warned the assemblage about the new dangers that with the constant emergence of new technology “we need to be on guard, to ensure that the impurity of Mitzrayim does not dwell in our midst, in our Talmud Torahs, our Yeshivos, our Kollelim and in our homes, while at the same time imploring Hakadosh Baruch Hu to look upon us mercifully.”

A chaver just sent over this news flash which I assume came from a credible source. Ober just to be zicher, I did some research (on my BlackBerry) and taka found the video clip of the Rebbe’s speech to his chasidim; it’s in Hebrew but easily found on google.

Of course I was wondering why he didn’t ban the I-Phone or other such devices; is Belz being paid by the competition? Ver veyst (who knows)?

And avada as you can surmise, the Oisvorfer was thinking that the Rebbe has it all wrong: it’s mamish punkt farkert (just the opposite). Over the last few months, I was klerring (thinking) that the BlackBerry is not just not an item of tumah as the Rebbe suggested, that should be avoided and chas v’sholom discarded, but should be embraced and held onto as an item of kedusha (holiness mamish).

Mistama you’re thinking that the Oisvorfer is arup fin zinin (off his rocker) and maybe he is, but not on this issue. I say this mit a gantze hartz (full heart): here are my rayas (proofs).

Ershtens (first of all), the BlackBerry zicher (surely) works to improve sholom bayis and has proven demonstrable results. Here then, but a few examples and mistama the heylige and choshovo oisvorf readership can and will provide others. It used to be that the eishes chayil would call you multiple times a day while you’re hard at work in the office or in a vichtiger (important) meeting behind closed doors. Nu, you didn’t want to piss her off because shemo (maybe) it was your night, if you chap. Yet, you couldn’t take the call but you had to. What to do? Nu, with the advent of the BlackBerry, she can still call, you can zicher ignore the call and BBM her advising why. Or, efsher now, you can train her not even to call, instead limiting the schmuz to just bbm reyt (conversation). And who says she wants to talk to you? Efsher (perhaps) she’s just as happy not to engage you in conversation; maybe you give her a headache?

Another: you’re both lying in bed and have nothing to say to each other. Before the BlackBerry, you had to force conversation or chas vsholom -loi olaunu watch the real tuma box (the TV), ober now, each of you has their own device and each can carry on conversations with the person of your choice. And if you’re really bored or in the middle of a movie and don’t want to disturb one another, bbm-ing is mamish gevaldig.

Vilst heren noch (want to hear more)? Ok. And it used to be that you’d be in the boudoir with the eishes chayil (yours or your friend’s) and you’d have to sheepishly ask if she was in the mood, if you chap. And taka, some people were too embarrassed to ask and got nothing. Or, the asking disturbed the entire mood, ver veyst. Ober today with the advent of the BlackBerry, the two of you can taka be sitting or lying next to each other and can simply bbm each another, thereby eliminating the tension and the guessing. And even if she’s not in the mood, with a few highly charged messages, you can change your luck and perform and also mamish be mekayaim a mitzvah through the BlackBerry.

Nu, from a sholom bayis perspective, I think the Rebbe missed the point of the BlackBerry. And let’s not forget that the BlackBerry can be set to vibrate, taka a mecahya!

Ttzvitenz (secondly,) and this for the men only, it’s a dovor yoduah (known thing) that for some mysterious reason, efsher the way man was created by his maker, that when lying in bed doing nothing, a man’s hands will somehow find their way to his chefetz shel mitzvah (his bris) beloshoin sagi nohor (using clean language), even if but for a quick adjustment or more. This is, as they say in gemorah parlance, les-man-di-polig (no one would argue), especially not the eishes chayil. In fact, it’s typically the eishes chayil that will say ‘why are your hands always down there’?

Which got me thinking…why is it taka that a man is always in need of  adjustment in that area? Ver veyst but it’s an established fact and mistama this is how it’s been since Odom Horishoin (Adam) and mistama a mesora (tradition) handed down (pun intended) from generation to generation. Nu, your father did it, now you do it and so do your kids of all ages. It’s a man’s thing. Shoin! No harm intended.

Ober  with the advent of the BlackBerry – studies have shown that men who hold onto their BlackBerrys at all times and most men taka do just that- theses same men, have cut down on adjustments and other machinations and or just plain holding, and also playing with their other communication device, if  you chap, by more than 65%. Avada we can’t expect that a minhag ho’oilom (an accepted custom going back generations) would just disappear overnight ober I’m zicher that sociologists around the world have taken notice of this more than alarming statistic.

And avada if one holds on less, one is of course taking away another yetzer horah, if you chap and hereby avoiding mamish the loi sa-say of shicvas zerah levatolah (spilling seed aimlessly).

Nu I ask you:  is the BlackBerry an item of  tumah? Farkert! Not holding onto your BlackBerry is what leads to tumah and more.  One holding onto his BlackBerry is mamish challenged from holding onto other hand-held devices, if you chap.

Having seen the evidence, the Oisvorfer declares that anyone discarding his BlackBerry is a shoita chosid (an idiot) as the term is used in the heylige gemorah and if the Rebbe’s Chassidim would do more holding and less surfing, if you chap,  the Rebbe would zicher embrace this device.

Comments appreciated to www.oisvorfer.com or to www.torahruv.com

Print this Post

Tags: ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.