Weekly Parsha Review Laced with Humor and Sarcasm from The Oisvorfer Ruv

Bishalach 2017: Odom’s Super Sperm


Nu, since most of you are home today, and are mistama surfing the treif Internet or watching TV or movies, the Oisvorfer, in an effort to introduce some kidusha, some holiness, has decided to send out his review a shtikel ahead of schedule. Enjoy this week’s mamish amazing parsha review on Odom, Nachshoin, the Shevotim and sperm.


Siman Tov U’mazel Tov…..It’s always nice to start with givaldige news and this week we begin with two big mazel tovs.

A big Mazel Tov to Ayelet and Chaim Frankel upon the birth of a baby girl. May she give her parents, brother Mordechai, her grandparents -our good friends- Mandy and Rubin Brecher, and Elaine and Dudi Frankel, many decades of nachas. And a special mazel tov shout out to Rubin’s mom, Mrs. Brecher and of course to Charles & Esther Spirgel, Mandy’s parents. Charlie Spirgel was the Oisvorfer’s very memorable 8th grade teacher. OMG!

And a big Mazel Tov as well to our friends, the always smiling Naomi and David Kaszovitz, upon the birth and bris of a grandson born to their children Sara & Netanel Goldstein. Welcome to the world Gedalia Simcha (Gabriel Isaac) who was named after his grandfather, Mr. Gabe Kaszovitz, A’H (a very nice and gentle soul). May you grow up to give your parents, grandparents, and the rest of your family at least 120 years of nachas. And….a big Mazel Tov shout-out to great-bubby Beverly Skolnick.


Raboyseyee and Ladies: 



Odom’s Super Sperm


A Fellow Named Nachshoin Ben Amindov:


What’s Odom Horishoin (Adam) doing back in our parsha? He had what kind of sperm? Nu, we’ll get to that shortly with a more than gishmake pshat that will mamish astound you.


A few weeks back, the Oisvorfer, who has always been, and remains bothered by, the behavior of the Shevotim (tribes) towards their brother Yoisef whom they plotted initially to kill before settling on a less aggressive mode of ridding themselves of him -nice guys that they were- was looking for some redeeming qualities in Reuvain, Shimon and Levi. Why davka them? Because, on his deathbed, their father Yaakov, mamish excoriated each of them. He lashed out at them with very strong words of rebuke; happy with them he was not. (Avada the Oisvorfer is aware that when he finished addressing each one individually, he did bless them as a group.) Then, he got to his son Yehudah upon whom he bestowed a heap of blessings, including kingship.


Also a few weeks back, the Oisvorfer challenged a fellow who seems to be quite learned in all of Shas (Talmud) to find some Toirah or Talmudic text proving that Reuvain, Shimon, Levi (and the other Shevotim) were good guys. Said he azoy: Reuvain did tell his brothers not to kill Yoisef. What a great brother! Shimon and Levi did stand up for their sister’s honor (following her rape at the hands, and more, by Shechem that chazir minuvil). And Yehudah? He stood up, after being exposed as the one who was already a standup guy, if you chap, by admitting that he had impregnated Tamar and by admitting “she is more correct than me.” The Oisvorfer reluctantly accepted his arguments but is still waiting, weeks later, to hear anything positive, any good deed or character trait, on the others. Ober, as we get to this week’s parsha of Bishalach, we will come across an incident which in the opinion of the heylige Oisvorfer, proves the righteousness of Reuvain, Shimon, Levi and Yehudah. Well, not them specifically, as they were all long dead. We are talking about their progeny. And if the progeny were good, mistama the parents were at least partially, if not wholly good. We might even argue that the tribes of Reuvain, Shimon and Levi were holier than the tribe of Yehudah and the others. They were? It’s mamish a chi-dush (breakthrough) pshat. What specific action was taken -or not- by the tribes of Reuvain, Shimon and Levi? We shall soon find out.


As parshas Boi was coming to an end, and after Paroy and his people, had suffered mightily by the outstretched proverbial hand of the RBSO, the Yiddin, after at least 210 years of slavery and a total of either 400 or 430 years in a land which did not belong to them, had all left Mitzrayim. What happened next? Shortly after Bishalach opens, Paroy will want his slaves back and give chase. Did he not suffer enough? Was he an idiot? What taka prompted this madman to again test the RBSO?


Nu, let’s recall that he was, from the time of his first encounter with Moishe and Aharoin, under the impression that the Yiddin were but asking for, and were finally off, on a three day journey to serve the RBSO in the wilderness. He alone chased them out of Mitzrayim. Why would he think they were coming back? Because the emes is that’s all Moishe ever asked for and or demanded. Not once in any conversation did Moishe alert Paroy, or even hint,  that the Yiddin had no plans of returning. Shoin, why Paroy didn’t figure this out on his own, especially once the Yiddin had borrowed gold, silver and other valuables, ver veyst? Yiddin don’t typically return once laden with gold and silver. And taka it’s the case; if you look carefully at all the exchanges between Moishe and Paroy, no place will you find a request for complete freedom. Let’s skip ahead a few days.


As our parsha opens, the RBSO wasn’t quite done with Paroy, nor seemingly with His promise that the Yiddin would leave with great wealth. More was in store. For one last time, the RBSO hardened Paroy’s heart; he decided to give chase, round up his salves, and bring them back to Mitzrayim. And in one of the most dramatic and open miracles of all times -efsher the biggest ever- one witnessed by millions of Yiddin, including efsher a few million Erev Rav (Mixed Multitudes), the Yiddin would eventually enter the Sea of Reeds and witness it split. A few million Erev Rav? Who the hec were these guys and how was it shayich (remotely possible) that so many of them accompanied the Yiddin? Were there more of them than there were Yiddin? Perhaps. Let’s see what the heylige Toirah tells us, and does not, about them before we entertain further with a revealing medroshim.


Said the heylige Toirah last week (Shemois 12:37) azoy: “The children of Israel journeyed on foot from Rameses to Succos, approximately 600,000 adult males, aside from the children. A Mixed Multitude (the Erev Rav) also left with them, as did flocks, herds, and a lot of cattle.” Who were these guys, the Mixed Multitude? We don’t know. We don’t know because the heylige Toirah is silent mamish. We know mamish nothing about them other than throughout the next forty years while the Yiddin were destined to be valgering in the midbar (desert), whenever and wherever trouble arose, these guys were involved. The bottom line: they were troublemakers! Why they left Mitzrayim to be with the Yiddin, ver veyst? How many were there? Ver veyst? Where they came from? Also, ver veyst? Who does know? The medrish; many of them; as well as the heylige Arizal, he the great mystic and kabbalist whose mikveh (ritual bath still operational) over in Tzefat, Israel remains the coldest on earth. And listen to this great amazing myseh on the origins of the Erev Rav as only a kabbalist can dream up.


The Erev Rav harkens all the way back to Odom Horishoin. Odom? The same fellow who fathered Kayin, Hevel, and 130 years later, also Shase (Seth)? Yes! Seemingly he also fathered a bunch of these Mixed Multitude fellows. He did? Well, blow me down! Ober how was that possible, and if it’s taka emes, why isn’t this recorded in the heylige Toirah? Shoin: don’t ask stupid questions when it comes to Kaboloh. It’s mystical and only meant to be understood by a few. Mistama you are not included in the few. Veyter. Let’s see what the Arizal had to say.


Says the heylige Gemora…Rebbe Yirmiyoh ben Elozor said azoy: “All the years Odom was in excommunication, he fathered Ruchin, Shidin and Lillin. He did what? Ok, let’s start over. The heylige Toirah (Bereishis 5:3) tells us that 130 years after he fathered Kayin and Hevel, he fathered a son in his likeness and image. That was Shase. Nu, looking at this language, the heylige Gemora and others assume that during this same time period, he did father other creature-like-beings that were not in his likeness, or image. Got that? Veyter. Ober that did not sit well with Rebbe Meir who said it’s not so! Odom the tzadik did no such thing! He was in fact celibate for 130 years! He was? OMG! What did happen? Says the heylige Gemora (Eyruvin 18B) azoy: Odom was mamish a tzadik because when he saw that he brought about the punishment of death on this world  (with the entire forbidden fruit fiasco), he sat in fasting and also separated from Chava (Eve) for 130 years.  Nu, if he was separated from Chava (sexually), we need to assume that he fathered no-one during that time.  Says the Arizal, wait: there’s more to the story. “He wore a belt of fig leaves over his skin (meaning his privates) for 130 years which (somehow) forced him to emit seed.”  Exactly how fig leaves cause emissions, ver veyst. And that seed, seemingly super-seed, somehow produced the souls (Ruchin, Shidin, and Lillin) mentioned above.  In other words, or in plain English: while Odom refrained from having intercourse with his own wife (while doing tshuva for the original sin), his fig belt -whatever that was- was forcing -efsher through friction, ver veyst, if you chap, seed out of him, and such seed produced male and female demons who eventually morphed into the beings mentioned above. Got that? Halt kup; let’s go deeper.


Says the Arizal: these Ruchin and Lillin somehow became holy souls (seemingly without bodies at that time). These same holy souls somehow morphed into the Erev Rav after many incarnations and purifications (mistama in the Arizal’s mikveh). One more time.  The seed he produced swam away and morphed into holy souls.  Somewhere along the way, these holy souls became entangled with unholy spirits he refers to as “klipos,” (according to Rav Wiki, klipos are a kabbalistic term for some evil or impure spiritual source which somehow attach themselves and surround holiness.)  Through this mixing of holy and unholy souls, bodies were eventually formed and shoin. Generations later, seemingly kimat 2000 years later, they resulted in humanoids known as the Erev Rav, the Mixed Multitude. The Arizal traces their lineage through the generations, ober such genealogy is beyond the scope of this review. The bottom line: these souls, after generations of reincarnations and rectifications, somehow joined the Yiddin or became part of them. They tagged along as the Yiddin left Mitzrayim. How many of them were there? Says the Sha’aeri HaPisukim, Shemois 1:8: they were in numbers, more than double the Yiddin. If the Yiddin left with 3 million, the Erev Rav numbered 6 million. The bottom line: stay away from Kabolo until you are ready. When will most of you be ready? Never! Also, stay away from belts which mysteriously force you to emit seed, especially if it’s of the super variety. As an aside, many other sources tell us that emitted seed not meant to fertilize the egg (of the eishes chayil), all somehow wind up in trouble or making trouble.


Shoin, let’s get back to the heroics of Reuvain, Shimon and Levi. Let’s reset the scene. It’s seven days after yitzias mitzrayim. The Yiddin have their backs to the sea and coming towards them are the Mitzrim led by Paroy. What happened next? The heylige Gemora (Soita 37A) records an amazing breysa (A breysa is teaching, typically by one rabbi, of a tradition in the Jewish oral law not incorporated in the Mishneh. And if that left you confused, too bad.) where Reb Meir said azoy: When the Yiddin stood at the Sea of Reeds, the Shevotim (tribes) were arguing with one another. This one (unnamed) said “I am going into the sea first, and the other one said: I am going into the sea first.” The point being that each was righteous and willing to sacrifice themselves by jumping into the sea not knowing if the RBSO was going to perform a miracle. Perhaps they had used up their allotment? Suddenly, the Binyominites jumped in. Reb Meir brings a shtikel proof that Binyomin jumped in first by quoting a verse from Tihilim (Psalms). What happened next?

Princes from Sheyvet Yehudah began stoning them for plunging in first and not in the proper order. Another posik from Tihilim is quoted to bring proof. The Binyominites were being stoned by the Yehudahites. Yikes! Ober the RBSO was to reward the Binyominites for their bravery by having them host His Divine Presence. The Beis Hamikdash (Temple) was to be built on land within Binyomin’s territory. Nice.  Ober, continues the heylige Gemora with a new set of efsher ‘alternative facts.’ These paint a very different picture.


Said Reb Yehudah to Reb Meir: This is not how the incident (at the sea) took place. Instead of volunteering to jump in first, it was farkert (opposite)! Each Sheyvet said: I am NOT jumping in first! In other words: Members of Reuvain, Shimon and Levi all demurred; none willing to jump into raging waters. What happened next? In jumped a nice fellow by the name of Nachshoin Ben Aminodov, he the Nosee (Prince) of Sheyvet Yehudah. He was then followed by the entire tribe of Yehudah. Who was this Nachshoin fellow?


We first met Nachshoin when he was mentioned as the brother of Elisheva who was married Aharoin. Says the heylige Toirah (Shemois 6:23) azoy: Aharoin took for a wife Elisheva, daughter of Aminodov, sister of Nachshoin. Mistama through some nepotistic ties, he wound up as the Nosee (Prince) of Sheyvet Yehudah. Tracing him further back, Nachshoin, was a fifth generation descendant of Yehudah. Interestingly enough, it’s through Aharoin’s marriage to Elieshva and the fact that she is mentioned as being Nachshoin’s sister, that medrashic sources teach us to always vet out the brother(s) of a prospective wife. Why? We are further taught azoy: “roiv bonim ki’achi hoeym” (most children (of a marriage) have similar personality traits as does the brother of the wife). The heylige Gemora also credits Nachshoin with these famous words “bouu mayim ad nofesh” (the waters have reached as high as they can). Meaning Yehudah stated “I have done my part by jumping in; it’s your turn RBSO to take over.” The RBSO did just that, the waters split. Was Nachshoin rewarded for his bravery? Seemingly he was. Ershtens, Sheyvet Yehudah was blessed with kingship. One day soon, the Moshiach himself will arrive; he too will trace his lineage to the tribe of Yehudah. Says the medrish (Shemois Rabbah): five great and distingue leaders and efsher also heroes among the Yiddin, came from Nachshoin’s descendants. They include Dovid Hamelech, the Oisvorfer’s favorite king, Daniel, Chananiah, Mishoel and Azarya, all great people about whom much has been written. Why aren’t more Jewish children named Nachshoin?

Ober, if Rebbe Yehudah’s version of the facts on the ground are correct, that the shevotim, at least those before Yehudah’s people were insistent that they would NOT jump into the waters, meaning that Reuvain, Shimon and Levi each said no, we need to chap why these holy people would take that position. After all, many insist that they were tzadikim mamish! Ober says the heylige Oisvorfer azoy: it’s quite simple and poshit and pshat could be azoy: the real answer is that members of Reuvain, Shimon and Levi were taka all tzadikim, righteous mamish, perhaps bigger and more righteous than Yehudah. Why did they refuse to jump into the waters? Where was their complete faith in the RBSO? Shoin, they had real belief in the RBSO ober, they would not jump into the waters accompanied by members of their own tribe (and others) simply because such a move would have caused a mass mixed swim, chas v’sholom (heaven forbid). Men, women, teenage girls and boys would all have been in the waters together and avada they knew that mixed swimming would one day in the future (thousands of years later) efsher become verboten by a few rabbis. And since they were so holy, avada they chapped that such a swim would be lacking in tzinius (modesty).  Moreover, it appears that they were efsher spooked about a mixed swim knowing how Odom’s super-sperm swam and got itself mixed up with these klipos (bad spirits) which resulted in the now millions of Erev Rav.  The Bottom line: the heylige shevotim of Reuvain, Shimon, and Levi, already spooked, elected to be machmir (strict) on tzinius (modesty).  Shoin: these tribes were all good and holy, case finally closed!

And we close with this. Last week we mentioned that the Yiddin left Mitzrayim with great wealth. They had permanently ‘borrowed’ gold, silver and other valuables. One medrish told us that it was the RBSO’s original intention to provide such wealth only upon their complete exit from Mitzrayim. Ober, because the Yiddin were tzibrochen (downtrodden) from the hard labor, and psychologically in a dark place after 210 years of slavery, they were still non-believers. They needed to be de- funked and the RBSO knew avada just what was called for. He provided an instant fix to their pockets; immediately thereafter, their heads too were fixed. Shoin. Funny thing how instant and sudden wealth can do that. More was in store. Says the heylige Toirah in this week’s parsha (Shemois 15:22)


22.  Moses led Israel away from the Red Sea, and they went out into the desert of Shur; they walked for three days in the desert but did not find water. כבוַיַּסַּע משֶׁה אֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל מִיַּם סוּף וַיֵּצְאוּ אֶל מִדְבַּר שׁוּר וַיֵּלְכוּ שְׁלשֶׁת יָמִים בַּמִּדְבָּר וְלֹא מָצְאוּ מָיִם:


Says Rashi quoting the medrish (Tanchuma Yoshon 16): Moishe had to force them to travel away for the seashore. Why were they reluctant to leave? Because the Mitzrim giving chase had adorned their horses with ornaments of gold, silver and precious jewels. As the Mitzrim were drowning, the RBSO arranged yet another miracle. All the gold and other valuables which would in the ordinary course have sunk with them, somehow washed up to the seashore. And who should happen to be standing by? The Yiddin! And listen to this.

Says Rashi: “The booty at the sea was greater than the booty they had taken from Mitzrayim.” The Yiddin didn’t want to leave and who could blame them? Har Sinai and Revelation which had been waiting for over 2000 years, could zicher wait a few more days. Efsher they thought more was coming. Efsher they were hoping that Paroy’s reserves would soon arrive with yet more valuables, ver veyst. Therefore, Moishe needed to force them continue their travels. Shoin, that was their second tranche of wealth. Or, was it maybe their third? Let’s find out by going back to Perek 14, posik 2 (Chapter 14:2) at the very beginning of our parsha and read one rather strange posik.


2.  Speak to the children of Israel, and let them turn back and encamp in front of Pi Hachirois, between Migdol and the sea; in front of Baal Zephoin, you shall encamp opposite it, by the sea. בדַּבֵּר אֶל בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וְיָשֻׁבוּ וְיַחֲנוּ לִפְנֵי פִּי הַחִירֹת בֵּין מִגְדֹּל וּבֵין הַיָּם לִפְנֵי בַּעַל צְפֹן נִכְחוֹ תַחֲנוּ עַל הַיָּם:


Says the heylige Toirah, azoy: Speak to the B’nai Yisroel, that they should turn and encamp before Pi Hachirois, between Migdol and the sea, opposite Ba’al Zephoin; before it, shall you encamp by the sea.” Ober vus epes (why) davka did the RBSO want the Yiddin to encamp in front of Ba’al Zephoin which Rashi and others tell us was the last remaining Egyptian idol left standing? Nu, listen to this mamish gishmake pshat offered up by the Michilta:


It was the only remaining Egyptian idol left. Seemingly the RBSO allowed it to remain standing davka to deceive the Mitrzim one last time in order that they might think that its powers had confused the Yiddin and locked them into the midbar. They were stuck. This would encourage the Mitzrim to give chase. Avada we all know how they all ended up in the sea. Ober, vus epes an idol as a rest stop? Nu, says the Michilta mamish so gishmak azoy: Ba’al Zephoin was the place where Yoisef hid all the silver, gold and other valuables he had collected from the Mitzrim when they came to buy grain during the famine. Long buried and forgotten -let’s recall that at least 116 years had passed- the RBSO’s promise to our zeyda Avrohom was about to come to fruition. As the Yiddin rested -under instruction- opposite this idol which of course the Mitzrim would not tamper with- they discovered yet another helping of silver, gold and other booty. In the end, the RBSO came through with what -if every medrish is emes- appears to be large amounts of riches. His people did leave with great wealth. Next week we will learn that some of this gold was sadly used to build an eygel (golden calf), ober let’s enjoy the moment.


A gittin Shabbis

The Oisvorfer Ruv

Yitz Grossman

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