Raboyseyee and Ladies,
“Yaakov vs. Lovon: Biblical Reality TV at Its Finest”
One might think that the Heylige Toirah would dedicate a good number of pisukim — maybe entire chapters — to the good and holy deeds of our foremothers and forefathers, whom the RBSO mamish selected them for greatness, but does it? Not in this week’s parsha! Instead, most of what the Toirah shares -specifically about Yaakov, Rochel and Leah, is at least -at times, less than flattering, leaving it to our exegetes to add color, clean up, cover up, and occasionally rewrite the stories to make their actions holy. We are to emulate their ways, so we were taught, ober, oy vey to some of their actions.
What’s on the Ois’s mind this week, and it’s this: As to Yaakov’s and his shenanigans in last week’s parsha, and also this week with the sheep breeding and then sneaking out with his entire family -on the run once again- vs. Lovon’s questionable behavior throughout the parsha but in particular, with the bait and switch Leah for Rochel trick, cheating Yaakov on his salary, and who knows what else, what’s the difference the two of them? Both had schemes going on. Do our sages address this question? Why was one selected for greatness, to be forever known as the father of the B’nai Yisroel, and the other, permanently branded as a bad guy who even gets shouted out yearly at the Pesach Seder? So what’s the difference? Why is Lovon the villain and Yaakov the tzaddik? We shall address that below, but let’s begin here.
As Parshas Toldois was winding down, Yaakov, was taka on the run. He had duped his older brother Eisav twice. For a bowl of lentil soup -efsher the forerunner of an early version of chulent- he fenagled the birthright, and as Yitzchok’s eyesight failed him, he also chapped the brochos (blessings) his father intended for his older brother. Eisav was not a happy camper; who could blame him? He plotted revenge and spoke openly about killing his twin at some point in the future. Naturally concerned, his parents shipped her favorite son Yaakov – out of state- to find himself a wife and life. Let’s recall that Yaakov was no spring chicken just out of yeshiva at 19 or even 20; he was a mature 63 years of age.
Speaking of chicken, efsher we should first speak about eating turkey today. Is it kosher? Was it always? Should the frum yeshiva oilom (crowd) be celebrating as do the goyim? Is it “goyish,” mutar, assur, or just another day to eat too much, too fast, and fall asleep on the couch? The million-dollar question is: why in the world do we eat turkey if the heylige Toirah never lists “turkey” among the kosher birds? Turkeys didn’t even exist in the Old World until the 1500s! The million-dollar shaila: How did turkey become kosher if no Jew had ever seen one before 1526? And why are we eating a bird that Avrohom, Yitzchok, Yaakov, Rochel, Leah, and all four of Yakkov’s wives never saw in their lives? So happens that the heylige Toirah lists 24 non-kosher birds but doesn’t list kosher ones; kosher status is generally based on mesorah (tradition) and no Jew in Europe had ever seen a turkey before the explorers brought it back from the Americas.
The bottom line: there was no mesora. What to do and how did it become kosher? Early poskim noted that turkey looks and behaves like known kosher species (particularly the chicken family) and because every Jewish community quickly and universally accepted turkey, that acceptance essentially became the mesorah. Once Klal Yisroel eats something for 400+ years, good luck telling Bubbe she’s been feeding you treif for generations. Perhaps it wasn’t “always kosher from birth,” but it became kosher through universal Jewish minhag and halachic reasoning—whether you call that mesorah-by-practice or collective rabbinic sanity preservation. The bottom line: Turkey is 100% kosher and one of the most widely accepted kosher birds on Earth. Veyter and Happy Thanksgiving!
Shoin, back to the parsha and what a difference a parsha week makes. Last week, Yaakov fooled Eisav. This week, Yaakov who will be fooled by his future father-in-law. We are taught that Lovon was a bad guy, did he act alone? Were there co- conspirators? And was Yaakov himself not a shtikel -if not more of a trickster as we learned last week? We shall address these issues, and more.
Stay tuned and welcome to Parshas Vayetzei which is action packed, suspenseful and contains all the elements of a romantic thriller. One man, a love story, four women, a scheming father-in-law, twelve children, an intriguing story about the breeding of animals, bait and switch, and even more. Everyone loves this parsha and it zicher gave the heylige Gemora and the medrish lots of material. Even ladigayers -bums like many of you- remember how Yaakov left Be’er Sheva, arrived in Choron, met Rochel at the well, kissed her, fell in love, worked seven years for his scheming future father-in-law, got married, found Leah in his bed, waited a week, got Rochel, got both handmaidens- married them too- making a total of four wives. As a collective, they had a bunch of children including everyone’s favorite Toirah character, Yoisef, (Binyamin will be born next week). Many pages have been written in the heylige Gemora and medrish just on the seemingly innocent kiss, was it? What many of you have forgotten or never knew is how Yaakov skedaddled out of town with his brood and was chased down by his shver who warned him not to withhold sexual pleasures from his daughters. Well, that’s the very end of the parsha which we have previously covered; find it in archives at www.Oisvorfer.com
As an aside, who could blame Yaakov for falling for Rochel? She was shapely and beautiful, so says the heylige Toirah -which rarely discusses one’s beauty and shapeliness. Says the medrish (Tanchuma, Vaetzei 6) azoy: there was no maiden fairer than Rochel. The heylige Toirah spares no effort in describing this romantic love-at-first-sight story. Yaakov, a penniless on the run fugitive worked seven years to gain her hand in marriage and his deep feelings of love for her eclipsed any hardships as a result of Lovon’s shenanigans. And while the Toirah tells us that Rochel was beautiful, all we know about Leah is that she had eyes that were soft, sensitive or weak. Which was it and what’s pshat? What did she look like? Nu, it depends on who you ask.
Says the medrish (Tanchuma Vayetze 12) azoy: both (girls) were equal in beauty and in their erect stature. We can imagine Yaakov’s stature, if you chap. Not so says the Rashbam: her eyes (only) were “beautiful and refined.” While Rochel was an all-around beauty, Leah had nice eyes; that’s it. Says SRH (Hirsch) azoy: Instead of saying that she was not particularly good looking, the heylige Toirah, ever mindful of people’s feelings, mentions only her pretty eyes, the redeeming side of her appearance. In other words: she was ugly! The bottom line: when the shadchan calls and leads with ‘she has beautiful eyes,’ watch out! Ober says the Ralbag: she had an eye issue; an eye disease which affected her otherwise good looks. And says Rashi quoting the medrish: Leah’s eyes were red and weepy from constant crying. Why? Because as we will soon learn, according to the medrish, and who saw and imagined things any more vividly than did they, Leah was supposed to marry Eisav ober she knew that he was a bum, a murderer, a rapist and worse. What could be worse? She wanted to marry Yaakov – maybe she wanted a learner, someone that spent 14 years in Yeshiva. Ober because she was prearranged for Eisav, she spent many years crying, with tears mamish, bemoaning her fate. Her tears resulted in her eyes being red and soft. The bottom line according to most who dabble in medrish is this: By majority consensus, it appears that Rochel was the beauty queen and Leah, epes not so.
For sure our parsha features lots of cunning behavior, trickery, conniving, and more; it’s kimat the entire parsha. Actions you are all familiar with taken by our future forefathers and foremothers are at least questionable, and the escapades of our central characters make for an excellent — and highly entertaining — read. Let us begin this week’s review with a few questions that may have crossed your collective minds over the years.
- Was Leah complicit in the marriage swap, or just a pawn?
- If she was complicit and many a sage, suggests that she was, is that what Yaakov wanted in a wife?
- Was she deserving to be one of our foremothers?
- Did Rochel sneak under the bed to signal, or is that midrashic fantasy? What? The medrish put this in play? OMG!
- Was she deserving to be one of foremothers?
- Were the mandrakes real fertility enhancers, or just negotiation tools for sex? Were mandrakes the original mood enhancers?
- Were they the forerunner to Viagra and other such enhancers?
- Was Yaakov the first geneticist, or simply clever with flocks?
- How much of all this was human skill versus divine magic?
- Did Lovon really think he could outsmart Yaakov who spent 14 years in yeshiva learning major and minor loopholes?
- What taka was Lovon thinking!?
- Did the goats and sheep have a secret pact with Yaakov?
- Was his experimentation what inspired later genetic engineers like Gregor Mendl? Who’s that? Gregor Mendel (1822–1884) was an Austrian monk, botanist, and the father of modern genetics. But, Was Yaakov the reals first inventor of genetic engineering?
- Was Rochel intending to start a side hustle with the terafim (idols) she stole from her father? What exactly were these terafim she stole?
- Were angels really climbing ladders in Yaakov’s dream, or was he sleepwalking with a wild imagination?
The bottom line: it’s these questions, and oh so many others, that turn Vayetzei from soap opera into a life skills manual. Each story shows us a skill: negotiation, observation, patience, strategic thinking, all applied in real situations, with human cunning, not magic. All under the RBSO’s supervision. And let’s be honest: Even our holy ovos had their clever, mischievous sides. Perhaps that’s why the RBSO chose them?! There should be no shame in laughing at it; they were fully human. Another bottom line: Vayetzei is way more than drama; it’s a masterclass in life skills, human cleverness, and divine partnership. And, of course, it’s a parsha tailor made for fodder; the heylige Ois is mamish in heaven.
And before we answer but a few of the questions -we asked way too many- let us quickly zero in on this factoid. The heylige Toirah tells us that Yaakov “knew” Leah, Rochel, Bilhah and Zilpa, mamish four of a kind, two full sisters and two half-sisters. What’s pshat that he “knew’ them? Says Rashi, who of course knew everything, and that’s davka why his understandings accompany kimat every chumish ever printed, azoy: the word “וַיֵּדַע” is marital intimacy. And interestingly, the heylige Toirah uses the same word for all of Yaakov’s women.
| Later children of Leah | 29:31,33–35; 30:17–21 | וַיֵּדַע אֶת־אִשְׁתּוֹ |
| Later children of Bilhah | 30:7 | וַיֵּדַע אֶת־בִּלְהָה |
| Children of Zilpah | 30:12,13 | וַיֵּדַע אֶת־זִלְפָּה |
| Yosef by Rachel | 30:22,23 | וַיֵּדַע אֶת־רָחֵל |
Leah and Rochel were clearly Yaakov’s wives in the Toirah. They were married with a formal ceremony (though Leah’s was a “trick” marriage, it still counted as they did have a shtikel ceremony). Bilhah and Zilpah, the maidservants, were more complex: the Heylige Toirah calls them maidservants of Rochel and Leah, respectively. Many holy sages treat them as surrogate wives: they are fully integrated into the household, bear children for Yaakov, and the children are counted as his sons. In fact, between the two of them they produced 25% of the heylige shvotim. They were more than sex toys. And yet, the Ramban emphasizes that Bilhah and Zilpah are not exactly equal to Leah and Rochel in status, but are legally and spiritually wives insofar as they bear children for Yaakov. More on them another time but if you want more now, the Ois has previously written on them; find in archives. Sforno and others highlight that this was a common ancient Near Eastern practice — maidservants bearing children for the family were a recognized part of a patriarchal household. Gishmak! Yaakov family featured the original “plus-one” policy, and in this case, the plus two and plus three. WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! Not even two!
Ober, how taka did Yaakov manage his time? How did he know whose turn it was to “know,” and which tent to enter? Or, did they all share one big tent? Was there a family relations calendar or schedule? A family WhatsApp chat? How did Yaakov manage the household rotation? Was he the first multitasker?
Busy as he was, efsher you’re wondering how Yaakov kept track of his conjugal obligations? Nu, you’re not alone and says the Ramban that Yaakov taka likely had a rotation system, a practical schedule that allowed all four women to be with him in a structured way. Think of it like a biblical calendar app: each woman knew her nights or weeks, Yaakov knew where he had to be and shoin. This was a job and someone needed to show up. Somehow, somehow, he kept track. He was the man!
Shoin, if today’s yeshivas included such information on their annual calendars, people would be sending in millions in donations. The bottom line: For better service, take a number and Fartig! No night-by-night details are given. Rashi, focuses on the spiritual outcomes, not the logistics — the key is the children born, not the specific nights or order. Over in the medrish (Bereishis Rabbah), we see hints at Leah, Rochel, Bilhah, and Zilpah negotiating among themselves (e.g., Rochel and the dudaim (mandrakes). In other words: The story is less about sexual mechanics and more about family dynamics, strategy, and divine providence. That said, later commentators -the Malbim for one- stress that Yaakov’s household was harmonious despite complexity, showing skill in human relations, which today would be like HR + project management + divine partnership. It’s clear that Yaakov successfully managed multiple women, calendars, and negotiations, all this before spreadsheets. But let’s be honest: this wasn’t just a human schedule. There was divine oversight at play. The Heylige Toirah doesn’t shy away from the messiness of family life, but it does show that the RBSO ensured the children came according to His plan, not merely through human cunning or mandrakes. The bottom lines: Family dynamics can be… complex. And yes — Yaakov was thrown into the middle of a real-life puzzle. He thought he signed up for a simple arranged marriage; instead, he got full-blown family corporate strategy. What he got was Operation “Wedding Night: Chaos Edition.”
In the opening paragraph I asked whether or not our sages addressed the question as to the differences between the sneaky behavior of both Lovon and Yaakov. Why taka was one selected for greatness -forever to be known as the father of the Yiddin, and the other, branded as a bad guy who gets shouted out yearly at the Pesach Seder? And the news is this: the heylige Ois -notwithstanding his level of heylig- was not the first to notice. Our sages – many of them- including Rishonim, and later midroshim, wrestled with this. Let us -for the first time- in our sixteen years see what they said but first we begin with a few key words from the text of the heylige Toirah itself. The RBSO includes these words from Yaakov? “לָמָּה רִמִּיתָנִי” — why have you tricked me? Lovon changed Yaakov’s wages 100 times (Rashi). He was a master manipulator. Ober Yaakov -mamish right out of the womb is called an “אִישׁ תָּם” — pure, straightforward, honest. Even when he outsmarts someone, it’s defensive, not offensive. The heylige Toirah makes it crystal clear: Lovon initiates deception. Yaakov responds to survive it. Ois pshat: He’s but a master defensive swindler. Gishmak!
Says Rashi: Lovon acts out of greed; Yaakov acts to fulfill prophecy. Rivka too received a prophecy: “the older will serve the younger.” Yaakov’s scheme with the bechoira and the brochos wasn’t for selfish gain; it was to fulfill the RBSO’s plan. Meanwhile: Lovon’s swap of Leah for Rochel was pure trickery, greed, and cruelty, causing emotional trauma to all parties. The bottom line: motive matters.
Says the Ramban that Yaakov only uses cunning when forced. Yaakov is naturally honest. Avada he uses trickery only when survival requires it: Eisav wants to kill him; Lovon wants to exploit him. Lovon, tricks from a position of power, exploits the vulnerable, and lies to enrich himself.
Says the Sforno so gishmak, azoy: One uses deceit for tzedek, the other for rishus (for evil). Yaakov uses cleverness to secure what is rightfully his (bechoira, wages). Lovon uses cleverness to steal what is not his. Same actions? Yes. Same morality? No. It’s the difference between a guy hiding his wallet from a thief, and a thief stealing a wallet. Both “use tricks,” but one is justified.
Malbim: Lovon violates agreements; Yaakov works within them. Yaakov never violates a contract. Lovon changes the contract constantly and then accuses Yaakov. Lovon is the bad-faith negotiator. Yaakov is the clever worker navigating manipulation.
As to the sheep trickery, the Chizkuni says this: Yaakov’s trick with the sheep was legal, fair, and miraculous. The “speckled sheep” trick, wasn’t actually trickery; it didn’t biologically cause speckles. The RBSO did the miracle to bless Yaakov. Yaakov’s rods were simply symbolic effort. Translation: Yaakov’s “scheme” wasn’t even a scheme; it was the RBSO doing the work. The bottom line: When the RBSO backs your strategy, that’s a good sign you’re not the villain. And the Baal HaTurim? Lovon’s sin is coercion; Yaakov’s is cleverness. Yaakov never coerces, never forces, never harms. Lovon does all three. Lovon tries to cheat Yaakov → Yaakov ends up rich. Esav tries to kill Yaakov → Yaakov becomes the father of Israel.
The final bottom lines: Lovon is a pathological liar, narcissist, and manipulator. Yaakov is a yeshiva bochur who learned to play defense. Lovon: Tricks Yaakov, tricks his daughters, tricks his workers, and tricks himself while our hero Yaakov, outwits a con artist using the con artist’s own tools. He never hurts anyone, never breaks faith with the RBSO and ends up with the 12 tribes.
Another final bottom line: when the RBSO loves you, all exegetes line up and follow suit. For whatever reason, the RBSO loved Yaakov despite the questionable life skills his mother taught him and the ones he picked up in yeshiva. Though many will question some of Yaakov’s decisions regarding the special treatment of Yoisef and his other children who all went on to deceive him for over two decades, hey, chap nisht. That comes up in two more parshas; the Ois is on it.
And this: If the RBSO believed real life belongs in His heylige Toirah, who are we to sanitize it? The only reason the questions we asked feel shocking today is because our exegetes spent decades trying to bleach the Heylige Toirah into a squeaky-clean storybook. But the real story? It’s far more interesting. Far more human, and zicher far more relatable.
Happy Thanksgiving and a Gittin Shabbis
The Heylige Oisvorfer Ruv
Yitz Grossman
