Emor 2019 – Time Limits On Being Angry With Your Friends
by devadmin | May 16, 2019 5:35 pm
Raboyseyee and Ladies
Time Limits on Being Angry With Your Friends:
Let’s begin here: last week we discussed grudges and mistaken identity. A number of you contacted, and / or approached the Oisvorfer with heartfelt comments; seemingly, many have their own stories of carrying grudges, of hating people in their hearts and of not speaking things out with those who angered them. Others have been victims of anger directed at them. The Oisvorfer admits that in his past life, he too held onto anger and hate so long, he had long forgotten why he was angry at a particular person in the first place. Last shabbis, one person told me that immediately after reading the parsha review, he picked up the phone and made peace with a chaver with whom he had not spoken to in over ten years. Who knew the power of a few written paragraphs?
Ober, how to fix all that and why should we? There are so many broken relationships out there. Should there be some rule, some statute of limitations on how long one chaver can be angry at another? Especially in cases where the angry party never shared the underlying issue? How can issues be resolved without a good schmooze? What about kissing and making up? Avada this cannot always work and can, if caught kissing the wrong person, if you chap, lead to another bunch of years of anger and worse. Avada there are times when chaver A has every right to be pissed off and mad-as hell with chaver B, and the list of grievous offenses friends can, and at times, do commit against each other is too long for these pages. Ober, there are times when friends fall out stam azoy. One is angry at the other over narishkeyt (nonsense), over a petty issue. Ober, he does not share the root cause of his displeasure. Instead, the friends separate when one chaver begins to give the other the cold shoulder, and eventually the friendship dissipates. Fartig!
What to do? This topic has been on Oisvorfer’s mind of late, he has been klerring on the topic, pondering and mulling over a potential fix. A thought: should the chaverim never have had the opportunity to talk things over, should chaver A not have shared what’s on his mind, while chaver B was left lurking in the dark, should chaver A should be time barred from his anger after 1 year? Not a bad idea at all! Such term may be of course be extended in a case where chaver A shared his thoughts, and after schmoozing things over, chaver B (if A was taka correct that chaver B pissed him off and was indeed wrong), and still, chaver B refuses to apologize. Absent of that, the broiges (grudge or anger you’ve been repressing) must disappear and friendships are restored. Think of it as a shmitta for friendships only in the case at bar, you won’t be wiping off debt owed to you. What the hec is shmitta? Shoin: it comes up in next week’s parsha, but the bottom line is that unless one takes advantage of certain Toirah sanctioned loopholes, one could lose real dollars. Are you following all this? Veyter.
And the Oisvorfer’s source for such a time bar? Well, he has none but Yom Kippur when we are commanded to forgive each other, and should we refuse, how can we expect the RBSO to forgive us, comes to mind. And let’s all keep this in mind: in whatever way your chaver pissed you off, the circumstances – in most cases- pale by comparison to how much, and in how many ways you angered the RBSO in any given 12-month period? Yet you expect forgiveness?! Did you not violate a healthy number of loi-sah-says this past year? Let us count the ways!
Speaking of counting, when was the last time you finished counting the Oimer (a mitzvah described in detail in this week’s parsha), all 49 days of them, the longest mitzvah in the entire Toirah as it lasts a 49 full days? And you want forgiveness? How hard is it to perform this mitzvah? Make a brocho and done. We needn’t travel, clean the house, buy anything, spend money; all we are commanded is to count and we count by making a brocho nightly. Yet, most of us fail each and every year. And you want the RBSO to forgive and forget? How many times were you almost chapped, if you chap in some compromising behavior or position? Oy vey!? Yet a few al-cheyts later, you feel better about yourself and are convinced that the RBSO forgave you. And you won’t talk to your friend for how long?
Ober what has all this ranting to do with this week’s parsha? Nu, let’s find out. Of the 54 parshas in the heylige Toirah, six are so named after a person –efsher in honor of, or because the person is the central character and that includes a few goyim (gentiles) mamish who merited a parsha with their own name. Efsher they made a substantial pledge and actually redeemed it, ver veyst. A good number of them are so named efsher because that one word –the parsha’s name- is what the parsha is all about. Or, because the parsha’s name is either the first word of the parsha, or very close to it. Over 40 parshas have such names. Emor is the 5th word of this week’s parsha. And why is it so named? Literally translated, the word “emor” means to say, to talk, maybe to give over, or to share what one has been told or taught. A parsha about saying? Ober, if the RBSO, or His assigns, decided to name a parsha “say or talk” as opposed to naming it after a character or central event, we must conclude that the very word emor is the significant message of the parsha. Shoin and erlyedikt (settled). And taka it’s emes: kimat every parsha in the heylige Toirah is named after the first significant word in that parsha. In other words: aside from the contents found in each parsha – in this week’s, a good portion deals with instructions that Moishe was to ‘say over’, ‘give over’ to the kohanim (the priests), as well as a review of all the major Jewish holidays, and also includes, a healthy combination of ah-says and loisah-says, we mustefsherconclude that the word ‘emor’ is the key message of the parsha.
What is so significant and monumental about saying, speaking, and sharing the commandment or thoughts being taught by Moishe to Aharoin this week? Is the heylige Toirah not replete with instructions for Moishe to say or tell something to Aharoin or to the Yiddin? It is. And if it’s not Moishe being told to say x, y and z to Aharoin or to the Yiddin, it’s the RBSO telling Moishe to tell the Yiddin. In fact, the posik of Vayidabare Hashem El Moishe Leymor, coincidentally the common verse in the entire heylige Toirah, appearing 69 times, is found 11 times in our parsha. Speaking things out clearly is efsher the significant message. Let’s read the first posik of the parsha (Vayikro 21:1) innaveynig (let’s read the text) which says (Moreover,
| 1. And the Lord said to Moishe: Speak to the kohanim, the sons of Aharoin, and say to them: Let none [of you] defile himself for a dead person among his people | אוַיֹּ֤אמֶר יְהֹוָה֙ אֶל־משֶׁ֔ה אֱמֹ֥ר אֶל־הַכֹּֽהֲנִ֖ים בְּנֵ֣י אַֽהֲרֹ֑ן וְאָֽמַרְתָּ֣ אֲלֵהֶ֔ם לְנֶ֥פֶשׁ לֹֽא־יִטַּמָּ֖א בְּעַמָּֽיו: |
Notice the significance of the word or derivation of the word Emor as it appears not once, not twice, but three times in the very verse: And the RBSO said to Moishe, “say to kohanim, the sons of Aharoin, and you shall say to them.” Nu, if one word appears three times in the very first posik, efsher that alone is deserving of as parsha name. Is there more? A closer look tells us that the word occurs once in the third person, twice in the second person; once in past tense, once in the imperative, and once in the future. Seemingly, the rabbis who named the parsha wanted us to know that Emor is about speaking.
But what kind of speech? Says Rashi; the second use of say (emor) is a direct address to Moishe, he is to make sure he gives over specific instruction to Aharoin’s sons, and the third, (“You shall say”) is an instruction that Aharoin’s sons are to speak to the next generation. Our rabbis tell us that whatever parents are told cannot rest with them, but must be carried on to their children, who will, by implication, carry the instruction forward to their children.
Efsher we can kler azoy: words are powerful. Powerful when spoken and efsher more so, when not spoken. With words the RBSO created the world, with words Moishe killed the Mitzri back in Mitzrayim (he uttered the shaim ha-mifoirosh, the 72 letter word that makes the RBSOs holy name). With words in this week’s parsha, one fellow blasphemed the RBSO. Emor ends with that amazing story, one we have covered in past years. Check out the site at www.oisvorfer.com and click onto archives; it’s mamishgishmak and involves rape, a bastard, stoning, and much more. The bottom line: a person blasphemed the RBSO and was sentenced to death by stoning. As it turns out, there is one thing that the RBSO may abhor more than avoidozoro (idol worship which He has forgiven from time to time) and which many believe is His number one pet peeve. What is number one if that isn’t? Illicit sexual encounter such as described in great detail these last two parshas. Chapping two sisters? One’s mother-in-law? Bestialityefsher? None of the above! It appears that speaking in an inappropriate manner, in our parsha, speaking blasphemously, and causing a desecration of G-ds name come in at number one. Of course that is not a license to be abusing a few other sins on the big ten list, chazir that you are.
The bottom line is azoy: Words can sooth and destroy! Words spoken can hurt; words unspoken can hurt even more. The silent treatment is at times much worse. Words can either lift up, or tear down. What you say can be hurtful, harmful, and discouraging; or healing, encouraging, uplifting, and inspiring. What you don’t say by not speaking can at times be even worse.
Getting things off one’s chest is liberating and healing. The words you speak will impact your own happiness and the happiness of those around you. Saying positive words about others is a positive force that elevates the speaker and the receiver. A song the Oisvorfer loves singing composed by Boruch Levine and performed by Dvekus on their 6th album has these words based on a verse found in Mishley(Proverbs 11). Check out the song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35GlpIZbQEI. The words are:
:
המדבר טוב על חבירו
מלאכי השרת
מדברים עליו טוב
מלאכי השרת
מדברים עליו טוב
לפני הקדוש ברוך הוא
CHORUS:
המדבר טוב על חבירו
מלאכי השרת
מדברים עליו טוב
מלאכי השרת
מדברים עליו טוב
לפני הקדוש ברוך הוא
On who speaks good for his friend
The ministering angels
They talk about him well
The ministering angels
They talk about him well
Before the Holy One, blessed be He
CHORUS:
On who speaks good for his friend
The ministering angels
They talk about him well
The ministering angels
They talk about him well
Before the Holy One, blessed be He
Only humans were gifted the power of speech. It’s taka emes that of late, Siri and others can also speak, ober that for another day. Words should not be confused with weapons – they are much more powerful.
The bottom line: Emor teaches us that at times you’ve just gotta speak up about how you feel. If and when angry, share and talk it out. And while texting, blogging, tweeting, Facebooking, and other modes of communication can at times be helpful, nothing beats a good schmooze followed by a hug-it-out session.
A gittin Shabbis-
The Heylige Oisvorfer Ruv
Yitz Grossman
Source URL: https://oisvorfer.com/emor-2019-time-limits-on-being-angry-with-your-friends/